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21 May 2007 @ 11:16 am
Supernatural Gen Fiction: Still Holding On  
Title: Still Holding On
Author: HalfshellVenus
Character: Dean (Gen)
Rating: PG
Summary: Sam is bleeding, breaking, gone and yet Dean's still holding on…
Spoilers: Season 2 spoilers, including finale, so click carefully.
spoilers beyond this point, including in Author's NotesCollapse )
 
 
 
Cynthia: supernatural dean thinks that's ok!coell on June 29th, 2007 07:34 am (UTC)
Good story!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on July 6th, 2007 01:15 am (UTC)
Thank you very much! :)
redheadforeverredheadforever on December 9th, 2007 09:29 am (UTC)
How can I tell you how much I LOVED THIS STORY?

"He wasn't ready for this to be Sam's body instead of Sam."

What people don't seem to get is that the deal made perfect sense if you realize that for most of his life Dean has not only been Sam's big brother, he has been his *substitute mother*. He RAISED him while John was off in his own personal hell of revenge.

Without emasculating him in the least, especially since that's just how the toughest young hunter IS without losing any of his toughness or masculinity, Dean is an amazing combination of hard-as-nails maternal feeling. There was none for Sammy, so Dean developed along those lines. The little boy already had a father, for all the good it did him, but he needed warmth and caring to grow up as well as he did (though he could be a bit less ungrateful and bitchfaced toward his sibling). Dean just became what the adored Sammy needed. He STILL is more of a mother than a big brother -- you can't just turn those feelings off, especially with the empty-nest syndrome he's just gotten Sam back after.

Sam must have, to be honest, been starting to get a bit on the, er, dead ripe side, hence Bobby's suggestion to get him underground, but Dean couldn't do it if he had one horrible option left.


Dean would -- and did -- literally sell his immortal soul to bring back his ginormous little one, no different from a momma bird pretending to have a broken wing in front of a regular hunter to keep him away from her chick. He couldn't live in a world without his Sammy, simple as that. He told us in canon.

It's actually sad, how he defines himself through his function for and service to others, but one could never accuse him of holding back on the love.

Your story was an exquisite take on this, and the most heartbreaking detail was how he so carefully arranged Sam's hands. It made me weep even more seeing it in canon. Not the standard coffin stuff, this was gentleness and love.

*throws chocolates and roses at the author*

Red

Happy but Concerned Deanwoman (Oy, KRIPKE!)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Bleeding Deanhalfshellvenus on March 14th, 2008 10:08 pm (UTC)
Such wonderful feedback, and here I am getting back to it far later than it deserves-- I'm so sorry!

He STILL is more of a mother than a big brother -- you can't just turn those feelings off, especially with the empty-nest syndrome he's just gotten Sam back after.
I very much agree. Some people have SUCH an issue with the idea of Dean being more like Sam's mother than anything else, because they think that requires Dean to be feminized. I totally disagree-- he's very much still Dean and while his love is clumsy at times, the flavor of his love is more maternal mainly because that's the only example of unconditional love Dean's ever had. John's love is very much conditional, but Mary's was the complete love Dean had and lost. How can Dean NOT give that to Sam, knowing what it feels like to be without it now that his mother's dead?

It's actually sad, how he defines himself through his function for and service to others, but one could never accuse him of holding back on the love.
It pains me that Dean sees no value in himself other than as a hunter and what he does for other people, and in response he tends to be kind of an ass on the basis of forcing rejection for a reason he can at least understand and pretend not to take personally.

But as his service to others defines him, so does his love for them. It's the one thing he has absolutely no doubts about whatsoever.

and the most heartbreaking detail was how he so carefully arranged Sam's hands. It made me weep even more seeing it in canon.
Oh, I'm so glad you noticed that detail. See how Sam's hands look, in that still pose, you know that someone has to have placed them that way. Who else but Dean would try to make Sam comfortable even when Sam could not longer feel it?

Thanks so much for your wonderful, heartfelt feedback on this story. It makes writing this kind of angst all the more worthwhile. ♥