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30 March 2007 @ 10:12 am
Prison Break Gen Humor: Unwanted Bag-gage  
Title: Unwanted Bag-gage
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Lincoln, Michael, T-Bag (Gen, Humor)
Rating: PG
Summary (early S2): The one person Michael never seems to plan for just keeps on turning up…
Author's Notes: Intended for pbreak_drabbles "Volatile" prompt, but it's too long. This is for prisonbreak100 instead, where I have the Gen pairing of Lincoln and Michael: prompt #22, "Enemies."

x-x-x-x-x

"I've got… certain information that you boys need," the voice drawls with maddening confidence.

That voice—and its owner— should have been gone and forgotten a whole week back.

How does a man survive losing a hand in the middle of a police hunt? Who else does that? Bagwell should have bled out that very night, but yet he's here, invading their car. Like a cockroach able to survive a nuclear fallout, nothing ever really seems to touch him.

"I've committed the map to memory," T-Bag continues. "In case you boys happen to get any ideas."

Lincoln has ideas, all right--- they start with Pow and Scumbag and end in "Cough it up, Bagwell." Michael has ideas, but they're just like Michael—too reasonable, too civilized.

"Shut up or ride in the trunk," Lincoln says. Linc has never, ever been a patient man.

Michael thinks the trunk might be excessive or dangerous or… something. Something bad. But Lincoln's tense and T-Bag's quiet, and right now it feels like something's going to explode.

"Well?" Lincoln says.

T-Bag just looks at him, and slides on into the back seat. Lincoln and Michael shrug at each other, and get in the front. The journey begins.

"Continue on through this next little town," T-Bag says, "about fifteen miles farther." He glances around the back seat, casual and slow. "You boys didn’t happen to bring digging implements along, now did you?"

As it happens, they did not. Something to do with getting their cover blown in a hardware store before they'd laid in their supplies. Michael still doesn't know what went wrong.

"I need to stop up ahead and make a phone call," he announces. Linc's gaze slides over to Michael's cell phone. "Untraceable," Michael adds, all too innocently.

Right, Lincoln thinks. This'd better be about the future and not the past.

Lincoln pulls off to the side of the road, where a banged-up phone booth waits at the edge of town. Michael gets out and Lincoln waits. He's always waiting—he's been waiting for years. It usually works out, until he feels like beating someone up.

"You've got a real partnership going," T-Bag drawls. "Like Beauty and the Beast. Or Jekyll and Hyde."

"Shut it."

"Who do you suppose your brother's calling now? That pretty lawyer of yours?"

Lincoln tenses.

"Or maybe the lovely Doctor from Fox River Prison. I heard she was hospitalized…"

Lincoln's up over the back of the seat in a flash, his hand wrapped around the front of T-Bag's scrawny neck.

"Hold on now, Burrows, hold on!"

"You talk too much." Lincoln squeezes harder.

T-Bag jerks sharply from side-to-side, trying to break free of Lincoln's grasp.

Across the road, Michael's still waiting for his connection in New Mexico to pick up the phone. It's taking longer than he expected— apparently this guy's the only person in the continental U.S. without an answering machine or voice mail these days.

The phone rings and rings as Michael looks up and down the road, in case someone's coming. He doesn't like standing out in the open like this, where anyone could just—Jesus, what the hell's going on over there?

Through the dust kicked up by the quaking car, he can see random movements inside.

They've barely been alone in there for two minutes, for crying out loud! Michael slams the phone down and stomps back over to the car, yanking the door open viciously.

"Hey!" he yells, and Lincoln stops mid beat-down to stare at Michael's rare display of temper. T-Bag gurgles something in his throat, and Michael whips his baseball cap off and swats Lincoln's arm until he lets go. "What the hell's the matter with you two?"

"You're kidding, right?" Lincoln's confused.

Michael rolls his eyes. "I know what it's like when he gets going, I really do. But what part of keeping a low-profile do the two of you not understand? It's not a difficult concept!"

"In my defense…" T-Bag begins.

"Save it," Michael replies, as Lincoln starts scowling again. Michael puts his hat back on and climbs in, shutting the door. "Here's what we're going to do," he announces.

"We're going to find a hardware store and buy supplies, and then T-Bag's going to lead us to Westmoreland's stash. But until we need directions, there's no talking from you at all," he glares at T-Bag pointedly.

"I still think the trunk would be better," Lincoln mutters.

"The trunk is still an option. But for now let's start with this."

Michael looks at them both, to make sure they understand. Lincoln starts up the engine and pops the brake, easing back onto the road.

Every few moments T-Bag shifts around in the back seat, and Lincoln eyes him in the mirror-- just looking for an excuse to pounce.

I am never having children, Michael thinks to himself.

Millions or no millions, this day is going to last forever.


-------- fin --------




 
 
 
(Anonymous) on March 30th, 2007 10:40 pm (UTC)

Wonderful. Thank you. You've brought a smile to my face! I'm finding T-bag hilarious at the moment - I love some of the things he says (waving a knife at Michael and telling him to go tattoo his legs or whatever the hell... - too funny)

Thanks for writing!

From Louise.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: TBag-Zilla OTPhalfshellvenus on March 31st, 2007 06:16 pm (UTC)
love some of the things he says (waving a knife at Michael and telling him to go tattoo his legs or whatever the hell...
Oh, that line was hilarious. And he has no reason to know why Michael is quite so obsessed that he's almost 50% tattoos to begin with!

Glad to give you a chuckle, and you're sweet to leave a comment. Thank you, Louise!
Genevieve: brothers new by kelz3192msgenevieve on March 31st, 2007 10:45 am (UTC)
Woah. I am actually watching this exact episode right now. *is a little freaked out*

This is just perfect. Nothing I like more than a 'missing' scene, and this is so real I'd almost expect to find it on the deleted scenes section of the DVD. Especially this bit: Every few moments T-Bag shifts around in the back seat, and Lincoln eyes him in the mirror-- just looking for an excuse to pounce. Heh.

The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: TBaghalfshellvenus on March 31st, 2007 06:19 pm (UTC)
Woah. I am actually watching this exact episode right now. *is a little freaked out*
Good timing! So now you've got the perfect context, too. ;)

Nothing I like more than a 'missing' scene, and this is so real I'd almost expect to find it on the deleted scenes section of the DVD.
Hee! Thank you! I really enjoy writing stories that weave in and around the canon we see, and provide those "extras" that we don't.

I can't imagine that car ride was quiet OR easy, and Lincoln is short-tempered to begin with, but oh how T-Bag can't resist poking the bear with a stick. :0
chanchito_z on March 31st, 2007 05:28 pm (UTC)
This was so much fun and you managed to do it while keeping them all perfectly in character. (I just kept waiting for Michael's "Don't make me turn this car around." ;D) Very nice!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB Final Hughalfshellvenus on March 31st, 2007 06:21 pm (UTC)
(I just kept waiting for Michael's "Don't make me turn this car around." ;D) Very nice!
:D Thank you!

I had a lot of fun with this one-- it was a candidate for the backup PBFE story I wrote for ferrynheit, but the Kellerman!Crack story won out between the two.

This last episode that just aired, my husband was rooting for Michael to stick T-Bag in the trunk.

T-Bag<=>Trunk, OTP!
tyricaltyrical on April 1st, 2007 03:02 pm (UTC)
I am never having children, Michael thinks to himself.

I wonder how Linc would feel if he knew he was one of the reasons Michael will not have kids. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Gen PB brothershalfshellvenus on April 2nd, 2007 07:45 am (UTC)
:D Lincoln would so deny it-- there's nothing unreasonable about his behavior, damnit, so long as they don't put him in jail.

Michael just needs to chill. ;)

Michael's side of that is "Jesus Christ, not again!"
Ferryn - you know, that weird chickferrynheit on April 2nd, 2007 07:39 am (UTC)
Hee! I love it! Lincoln and T-Bag crack me up. I love how you put it in a previous comment, T-Bag poking the bear with a stick. So true! He really does know how to push buttons, and with Lincoln, it's just too easy.

Also, I love car ride stories. Funny things always happen on long car trips, especially with such hotheaded characters along for the ride. I can imagine Lincon as a child being the one to ask "Are we there yet?" Meanwhile, Michael would just look out the window and either count various things or just think about whatever - the quiet child.

I love the comparison of T-Bag to a cockroach. They make such a good match. He's definitely inhuman.

I guess it wasn't really written for me, but I still feel all special that you wrote it. So, thank you! :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: TBaghalfshellvenus on April 2nd, 2007 07:47 am (UTC)
So true! He really does know how to push buttons, and with Lincoln, it's just too easy.
I think he really finds it irresistible, though he usually knows when to quit-- just before the explosion comes, and not one step sooner.

Michael would just look out the window and either count various things or just think about whatever - the quiet child.
:) Lost in a book or lost in his thoughts, either one.

I guess it wasn't really written for me, but I still feel all special that you wrote it. So, thank you! :)
:D It kind of was-- this was one of the four scenarios I suggest to someone else to write for you, and you already got the longer one of the four, so this one was a bonus. \o/
desideria_df on April 18th, 2007 06:43 pm (UTC)
"I am never having children, Michael thinks to himself."

Such a perfect concluding line, hahaha... Oh poor michael. But he's definitely in character somehow.
Lokiloki_dip on January 28th, 2011 10:17 pm (UTC)
I still think that the T-Bag and Michael interactions may be my favourite thing about the show. So many reasons but somehow their relationship is so odd. Particularly T-Bag's changing attitude towards Michael over the years.

And this is just perfect. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: TBag-Zilla OTPhalfshellvenus on January 28th, 2011 11:27 pm (UTC)
I always loved their scenes together, especially because T-Bag always pushed too far, and Michael sometimes didn't seem to know whom he was dealing with and other times would completely lose it and do something... not is his own best interests. Except that T-Bag would often back down then. :0

Glad you enjoyed it. It was fun for me to re-read this one, once I saw you'd commented. It's been so long!