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29 January 2007 @ 08:43 am
Supernatural Gen Fiction: Tomorrow, And Tomorrow, And Tomorrow  
Title: Tomorrow, And Tomorrow, And Tomorrow
Author: HalfshellVenus
Pairing: Sam and Dean (Gen, Angsty)
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers and/or Warnings: Up to mid-Season 2
Summary: All that might have been, should have been, as time moves by too quickly.
Author's Notes: For mercurybard's birthday, and I'm sorry it's angst-- I know you wanted a different flavor altogether!. Also written for 60_minute_fics, this was for the "Shakespearean Quotation" prompt, where I picked the phrase that is the title.

x-x-x-x-x

"Tomorrow" was the day they were all going to the zoo. Before it happened… before the fire. Dean remembers Mom promising popcorn and lions and a balloon. But there was no zoo on the day tomorrow came. There was no Mommy either—only him and Sammy and Dad.

Dean never liked the zoo much after that.

"Tomorrow" was a book report in second grade—a book he'd read two days before in the car, while Dad was watching something in the woods. The teacher wanted them to stand up in front of the class and talk about their story. Dean's was about witches and spells, though, and a lot of it was lies and he didn't know how to explain that part.

When tomorrow came, John took the boys out of town on a tip from a priest in Scranton. By the time they came back a week later, Dean's teacher had forgotten and moved on to something else.

"Tomorrow" was Sammy's birthday, with ice cream and a Cubs game as soon as school was out. But it didn't work out like that the next day, and Sammy was heartbroken when John couldn't leave work in time. They were promised another chance on the weekend, which didn't even happen until four weeks later.

Peanuts and hot dogs couldn't change the fact that doing it later just really wasn't the same.

"Tomorrow" was the day Dean and Leah Randall were going all the way. He'd been on edge for weeks, getting so frustrated when she stopped him, and they'd been dating for three months and it was time already. Dean elbowed around with his friends at the record store, waiting, until a senior he'd never spoken to smiled shyly at him around the edges of her long, blonde hair.

When tomorrow came, Leah told Sarah Cable to tell Dean not to call her ever again. Dean shrugged off the message, his thoughts already on Deborah Tanney and the quiet way she'd said his name when they'd spoken. He wound up dating her for the rest of his Junior year, and when his family moved again he watched her blur through the back window of the car as they drove away.

"Tomorrow" was the day Sam would leave for college. Dean lay in the dark fighting nausea and listening to Sammy breathe, watching the clock blink through the minutes all night long. He thought of all the places they'd been together, of the places they wanted to go. He wondered now if they ever would, if Sam would come back after the things that Dad had said.

In the morning, Dean drove Sam to the bus station and bit his lip while all his goodbyes lodged in his tight, dry throat. He watched the doors close behind his brother, and drove to the nearest bar. He didn't come back until nightfall.

When he unlocked the apartment door, Dad was waiting with unreadable eyes. But his father just turned off the living-room light, and went to bed without saying a word. Dean thought about how quiet the room he'd shared with Sam would be now, might always be. He slept on the couch.

"Tomorrow" was the day that had no name. A day that wasn't supposed to be.

Dean was finally free to leave the hospital… and their father needed burning. There were no words to describe such a day. It would be the day after the Now Dean could hardly stand to be in, and the one before all the forever that had no shape, no color… no end.

"Tomorrow" is the day Dean wants to stop living the way they have, and do something like brothers instead of brothers-in-arms. He wants to stop tempting Fate, stop brushing against the darkness that waits for Sam to become one of its own.

He wants cotton candy and popcorn, girls in bright-pink bikinis, beer and salsa, and movies with explosions. He wants bad jokes and aimlessness and a few pranks along the way. He wants a day job and a steady paycheck, if it comes to that. It's not as awful an idea as he used to think.

Most of all, he wants time to enjoy all the tomorrows he has left before they run out.

Sometimes he's afraid tomorrow isn't coming, that whatever battle is looming will be here before they've even had a chance.

Other days, he worries that Sam will "turn" right in front of his eyes, that he'll become somebody or something else and it will already be too late.

Those days are the ones that scare Dean most.

He doesn't say it and he tries not to think it, but he's afraid that tomorrow is already here.


-------- fin --------




 
 
 
bluesister on January 29th, 2007 05:26 pm (UTC)
This is filled with all sorts of gems, like Dean sleeping on the couch the first night after Sam leaves. And teh timelessness of grieving. And the ending. *claps*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on February 1st, 2007 08:06 pm (UTC)
like Dean sleeping on the couch the first night after Sam leaves.
I hate to think of him right after Sam left, with that sudden yawning loneliness that he never had before (especially when Dean has so little to begin with). Ouch. :(

I loved your comment about "the timelessness of grieving," because that aspect of Dean's life comes back again and again through this piece. It's so much a part of him-- being left more often than leaving, and living through the pain of the aftermath. *Sigh*
mercurybard on January 29th, 2007 05:45 pm (UTC)
*sniffles*

It's beautiful with little Dean being excited about his book report and then the older Dean dealing with Sam leaving and possibly never coming back.

all the forever that had no shape, no color… no end
Nice phrasing.

He wants cotton candy and popcorn, girls in bright-pink bikinis, beer and salsa, and movies with explosions.
I like the little list of his wants--all these frighteningly normal things. And I thought about how he could have gotten the first to at the circus in ELAC, and then how that wouldn't count because he was working. And how he's caused more than a few explosions himself, but that can't be the same.

Thank you so much for the present.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on January 30th, 2007 07:03 am (UTC)
You're so welcome! I hope it was a good birthday, with lots of greetings and presents from all-- especially those at home with you. :) ♥
(no subject) - merctales on January 30th, 2007 07:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
happy is as happy does: hold on - morbidmuchhappywriter06 on January 29th, 2007 06:09 pm (UTC)
Poor Dean! It's so sad.

Dean was finally free to leave the hospital… and their father needed burning. There were no words to describe such a day. It would be the day after the Now Dean could hardly stand to be in, and the one before all the forever that had no shape, no color… no end.
I love that image.

I just started Supernatural this year so I'm just now getting into the fandom.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 1st, 2007 08:08 pm (UTC)
I love that image.
It's such a hopeless feeling, isn't it? So hard for Dean to go on-- to want to go on-- after that. :(

I just started Supernatural this year so I'm just now getting into the fandom.
Yay! Welcome to my other major fandom. It's very angsty and different in here-- hope you like it. :)
zora_sourit: jensen laughzora_sourit on January 29th, 2007 06:44 pm (UTC)
wow. Powerful. And so very Dean.


He wants cotton candy and popcorn, girls in bright-pink bikinis, beer and salsa, and movies with explosions. He wants bad jokes and aimlessness and a few pranks along the way. He wants a day job and a steady paycheck, if it comes to that. It's not as awful an idea as he used to think.


Seriously, are you Eric Kripke *raises eyebrow*????
You´ve captured brilliantly the tone of the show as it is is right now.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 1st, 2007 08:11 pm (UTC)
You´ve captured brilliantly the tone of the show as it is is right now.
Thank you, Victoria!

That actually was a big part of the inspiration for this piece-- the ending, and the conflicting fears of either not having a tomorrow, or having whatever it is turn out to be something you wish you could undo forever.

I so very much understand why Dean has reconsidered everything, and wants to take some time away and drop out of the life they've had for so long. I wish Sam would give it a chance, even if only for one episode, because Dean definitely has a point.
(no subject) - zora_sourit on February 2nd, 2007 11:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
wingfetishwingfetish on January 29th, 2007 07:34 pm (UTC)
Great fic! Beautiful writing. You've captured Dean really well. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 1st, 2007 08:13 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much!

Oh, Dean and his issues (some of them really well-founded issues) are so compelling to me. I'm not sure I actually "like" him, really, but I understand him and I definitely feel for him.

The mismatch between the brothers' understanding of each other, combined with the love that is there in spite of that, is one of the things that just makes this show so fascinating to me. :)
blazeorfadeblazeorfade on January 29th, 2007 07:51 pm (UTC)
THis is incredible. Its officially impossible to pick a favorite out of all your writing. Its all amazing! This whole thing just killed me. It reminded me of one of my favorite songs Tomorrow by SR-71.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on February 1st, 2007 08:16 pm (UTC)
Wow-- thank you so much, Blazeorfade! That makes me all happy inside. :D :D

This is one of those kinds of stories that I rarely do, the kind married to a simple concept and structure-- because I honestly don't have a feel for whether it's comes off as powerful because it's simple and clean, or whether that makes it repetitive and trite.

Now oddly enough, I'd know if it was someone else's story. But I always hope that it's the good one. :)
cindy: spn - dean looks away (by oxoniensis)tsuki_no_bara on January 29th, 2007 08:19 pm (UTC)
i like the mix of things that happened because they're them - the fire, dean missing his book report because dad took them with him on a hunt, sam possibly going darkside - and things that could happen to anyone - missing the cubs game because dad couldn't leave work, dean's girlfriend never wanting to talk to him again because of this other girl. and i really love the end, dean worried he won't get a normal tomorrow with pretty girls and stupid movies, and really scared that sam's already turning evil and dean can't stop it.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on February 1st, 2007 08:22 pm (UTC)
! I so love that you noticed that mixture-- the things that are so very Winchester and would never happen to someone else, and the ones that could be anybody's happiness or disappointment.

I wonder if anyone's noticed that the events alternate between bad and good as well? Dean's book report would have been problematic for him, so it was probably a relief to be able to skip it. And the girlfriend he lost... he gained a different one that spoke much further down inside him, clearly, than the one he used to date, so even though he moved away at the end it was more sweet than bitter, what he had with her.

and i really love the end, dean worried he won't get a normal tomorrow with pretty girls and stupid movies, and really scared that sam's already turning evil and dean can't stop it.
I really, really feel for Dean there. I truly understand why he wants to run away-- something he would never have done before, and now he's desperate for it (and you'd think that would make Sam listen, wouldn't you?). Just by continuing to do what they do, they constantly tempt that possibility of Sam turning (or being conquered) much sooner than it might otherwise happen. Sometimes, waiting is the best choice because it gives you more options. Rushing toward disaster removes the options. *angsts, because Kripke is going to torture me with this whole issue again and again*

Thanks so much for reading and commenting. Always a pleasure to hear from you. :)
not a morning person...: spn - brotherstattoo_kink on January 29th, 2007 08:39 pm (UTC)
*cries*

Most of all, he wants time to enjoy all the tomorrows he has left before they run out. ... poor Dean. All that burden on his shoulders.

... and I adore the end of your story. Sad, but awesome! Thanks for sharing
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on February 1st, 2007 08:25 pm (UTC)
poor Dean. All that burden on his shoulders.
And so much fear-- and if it happens, either bad choice, he's probably not going to like the outcome and it's likely to be a forever thing. :(

and I adore the end of your story. Sad, but awesome! Thanks for sharing.
This one ends right where canon has left us right now, and it's kind of a nervewracking place, isn't it? The viewer is going through all the same worries that Dean is, and we really don't know what's going to happen anymore than he does.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting. :)
:insert witty name here:popmusicjunkie on January 29th, 2007 08:41 pm (UTC)
*whimper*
While it left me feeling a little sad, I really enjoyed reading this story.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on February 1st, 2007 08:27 pm (UTC)
While it left me feeling a little sad, I really enjoyed reading this story.
Oh, I know-- the ending is so bleak and worrisome, and that's mainly because that's where the show is right now too. So much potential for things to go wrong, and so much fear that one way or another, they will. *wibbles*

Thank you for reading it, despite the sadness at the end. ♥
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on February 2nd, 2007 12:11 am (UTC)
Thank you so much, alias_chick!

This seemed like such a great theme to work with-- just the contrast between what's expected and then what tomorrow actually becomes, and Dean learning over time to be wary of it.

And then the ending... all of our Season 2 canon angst just fits in there so perfectly. What is Sam's future, and how bad will it be? And how long until it happens?
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 2nd, 2007 12:15 am (UTC)
Ohhh, your words made me so happy. I really tried to craft these carefully, to show the situations and the feelings, all building up to our current place in canon where we don't know what's coming, but we do know that it probably isn't good.

The ending tomorrows just killed me.
I so feel for Dean there-- wanting to run away from whatever is coming, and try to recapture some innocence and joy before it's gone. :( That speech, where he mentioned going to the Grand Canyon... that is so very UNlike Dean, that whole idea, and it was so heartfelt and tortured... it killed me a little bit that Sam rejected it offhand. For Dean to even be thinking along those lines is something to take very seriously.
lexie_sinistralexie_sinistra on January 29th, 2007 09:44 pm (UTC)
Wow this was just amazing.

Sometimes he's afraid tomorrow isn't coming, that whatever battle is looming will be here before they've even had a chance.

Other days, he worries that Sam will "turn" right in front of his eyes, that he'll become somebody or something else and it will already be too late.

Those days are the ones that scare Dean most.

That just wrapped up all the feeling
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on February 3rd, 2007 07:29 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!

That just wrapped up all the feeling.
As if losing their father wasn't bad enough, all these scary "unknowns" are waiting, and whatever comes of them probably won't be good. :(
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on February 3rd, 2007 08:33 pm (UTC)
all that hope that came to nothing while all the fears turned up right on cue.

This seems so much like Dean's life, sadly. Four years of bliss followed by brief bright moments and a lot off neutral and too much that's scary or sad.

It's funny that he and Sam both had four years of "happiness"-- Dean at the beginning, and Sam in college. And somehow fitting that Dean's was family-centered and Sam's was in escaping his family. Makes you even more nervous for the future.
a rearranger of the proverbial bookshelf: Dean - acheembroiderama on January 29th, 2007 11:49 pm (UTC)
This is sad and lovely all the way through, but the last line just hurts. In the best possible way. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on February 4th, 2007 06:33 am (UTC)
but the last line just hurts. In the best possible way. :)

I know exactly what you mean, as a fellow angst-lover.

Thank you so much. :)
iamstealthyoneiamstealthyone on January 30th, 2007 07:23 pm (UTC)
Nicely done, full of such lovely angst. Poor boys, never quite getting what they want or need. You came up with so many hurty moments here that make me want to snuggle them endlessly.

Favorite lines:

When he unlocked the apartment door, Dad was waiting with unreadable eyes. But his father just turned off the living-room light, and went to bed without saying a word. Dean thought about how quiet the room he'd shared with Sam would be now, might always be. He slept on the couch.

This image just breaks my heart. John waiting up to make sure Dean comes home, but unable to really connect with Dean when he does, and Dean avoiding the bedroom.

"Tomorrow" is the day Dean wants to stop living the way they have, and do something like brothers instead of brothers-in-arms.

Love this turn of phrase.

He doesn't say it and he tries not to think it, but he's afraid that tomorrow is already here.

Oh, Dean.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 4th, 2007 06:45 am (UTC)
This image just breaks my heart. John waiting up to make sure Dean comes home, but unable to really connect with Dean when he does, and Dean avoiding the bedroom.
You really caught ever part of that scene-- because though both John and Dean are probably hurting, John doesn't try to connect there (he's backed himself into a corner with that ultimatum for Sam, and now he's not allowed to miss him because of it). And that empty bedroom-- that has never been empty for any length of time, as long as Dean can remember-- that's something Dean doesn't have to face the first night, not when all the pain is so raw.

Love this turn of phrase.
:) Nice to have someone notice that-- it fits with who they are, and it also points out the difference between how things often are and how they should be.

Oh, Dean.
*Sigh* I know. There's nothing and no-one who can help him-- all he can do is wait for the inevitable to strike. :(