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26 November 2005 @ 11:22 pm
Prison Break Fanfiction: Love Is A Lecture  
Title: Love Is A Lecture
Author: HalfshellVenus
Character: LJ (Gen)
Rating: PG
Summary: LJ waits for someone to say something real.


x-x-x-x-x


Love is a lecture.

When I was your age… I know how much you want to, but… Now you listen to me…

It’s hard to call these words of wisdom, because the people doing the lecturing don’t have wisdom to show for it.

His mom got pregnant as a teenager. Remember to use protection, every time, because it only takes once and it can change your whole life. His dad married her just to do the right thing, to try to fix it, to provide security and a family for their baby. You have to accept your responsibilities, son, even if you’d rather just walk away. You have to do the right thing.

That security was short-lived, or maybe it was never even real. There was fighting, he remembered that, and nights where his father didn’t come home. Soon it was weeks that they didn’t see him, and then one day—it was over. Sometimes when two adults just can’t get along, it’s better for everyone if they just go their separate ways. But that doesn’t mean we don’t love you, and it’s not your fault. You understand that, don’t you?

He would visit his father on the weekends, sometimes during the week. But then the excuses started, and soon his mother just kept him at home. Your father’s going through a hard time right now, and he needs a little time. You just need to be patient. After that, he wasn’t allowed to see his father at all. If anyone ever offers you drugs, or you ever even think about trying them, just say no. Just walk away. Drugs can destroy your life just like that. You might think it’s a small thing, but then it becomes big, and pretty soon everything’s out of control. If I ever catch you even thinking about…

He’d had no idea how bad it was until his father was arrested for murder. For murdering the Vice President’s brother. He could not imagine that the man who had played trucks with him, who used to carry him on his shoulders, would ever become involved in something like that. What had happened? If you start using drugs, or get involved with the wrong crowd, you might find yourself doing things you never expected. You could find yourself in prison, doing hard time. It’s a short step from the wrong decision to the wrong life.

His mother had gotten remarried years ago, to someone LJ had never liked and who didn’t seem to care for him much either. People have to move on with their lives, and I don’t deserve to be alone forever. You’ll understand when you’re older. He wasn’t even sure if his mother loved his stepdad, or if it was just that she was afraid to be alone. Your problem, young man, is that attitude of yours. You think it’s all right to mouth off at your mother that way, but let me tell you, if you were my son I’d have put a stop to that long ago.

He’s tired of being on the periphery, of being a good kid who gets ignored. All it’s ever gotten him was warnings about not becoming like his father, about being somebody. Not being like his father hasn’t kept anyone from assuming that’s where he’s headed anyway, and since he’s doing the “time” why not do the crime as well? I can’t believe you would even think of getting involved in something like this! We are going to straighten you out, that’s for sure, because you are not ending up like your father!

Across the glass, his father is still this man he doesn’t understand anymore, a man he hasn’t known for a long time. But even he thinks he has something to offer, something important to say, and it isn’t “I missed you,” or “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you were growing up.” It isn’t the important things. It’s Don’t ever let this happen to you. You don’t want to wind up in prison like me. That’s no kind of life.

His ears are worn out, they are overflowing with all the wrong messages that just never seem to stop. There are no more balloons or ballgames, no more ice cream cones or trips to the zoo. There is no more him anymore in any of this talking, all that’s left is “Don’t” and “I” and “Do you hear me?”

He remembers when it was simple—at least he thinks he does, but his life was never as simple as it should have been and never for long enough.

Now he thinks of that look of terror on her face, as she told him to get out and he left her to her fate while he escaped out the back door. He knows he couldn’t have saved her, and probably not himself either, but leaving her just seemed so wrong. He never got to tell her that he understood, to tell her what she meant to him.

I know it hurts, LJ, but we have to keep a low profile. We can’t go back—it isn’t safe.

Love is a lecture that uses all the wrong words and never waits for a response. He knows it shouldn’t be like this, but it’s the only way that’s familiar. You should have run while you had the chance, Mom. I would have waited for you.

You should have run.



----- fin -----


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The Good, The Bad and The Lana: brave sad ljthelana on November 27th, 2005 07:41 am (UTC)
Sniff, saddest thing ever. But I guess it's just a reality that a big part of parent/child love is "What I want of you/what I want for you.".

Though it could be argued that Lisa also showed her real love for him (and vice versa) with the way they reacted when the agents came to their house.

Poor LJ, as his life wasn't pretty messed up already before they took it up a notch and forced him to go on the run.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2005 07:49 am (UTC)
Though it could be argued that Lisa also showed her real love for him (and vice versa) with the way they reacted when the agents came to their house.

I agree, she did. But part of the problem often for children, especially those who later grow into adults with problems, is that they don't recognize the message when it's in the "wrong" form. I.e., her panic for him, her sacrifice, are not a message he understands. He understands his pain, and how he wishes it would have gone instead, and he doesn't see what her actions said about her love for him.

This was kind of the thread of the story, too. All these choices and mistakes had accompanying lectures that sometimes told what was really going on. But the reason for all of them is "I want more for you, better for you."

I think this one turned out pretty well. Sorry I couldn't leave it alone long enough for liberateourtime to have a crack at it. It got under my skin pretty quickly.
The Good, The Bad and The Lanathelana on November 27th, 2005 07:57 am (UTC)
I'm glad you did. And again, just love, love, LOVE the title.

This was kind of the thread of the story, too. All these choices and mistakes had accompanying lectures that sometimes told what was really going on. But the reason for all of them is "I want more for you, better for you."

That's kind of the whole problem of raising children. About them not being ready to understand the difference of what they want NOW and what is good for them on the long run.

I have to say the whole beginning was very chilling to me. The story of what is really going on being told through the warnings.
Augustine: Michaelnymphadoraklutz on November 27th, 2005 08:02 am (UTC)
Loved it. Poor LJ. Don't you want to give him a hug?
The Good, The Bad and The Lana: sara happythelana on November 27th, 2005 08:08 am (UTC)
LJ should get an award for "Most Hugworthy" or something :)
Augustinenymphadoraklutz on November 27th, 2005 08:15 am (UTC)
Definitely.
Jackie: FC not the contents of your walletwickedwisdom on November 27th, 2005 04:31 pm (UTC)
i agree with halfshellvenus when you're a kid, you think you know everything and that your parents are just trying to keep you from having fun.

its only as you get older that wisdom and expierence help you to see your parents were pretty smart after all.

He remembers when it was simple—at least he thinks he does, but his life was never as simple as it should have been and never for long enough.

that's the best sentence for a kid with a rough upbringing. i can relate to that myself.
One zarkin frood: PB - LJ Burrowsscarletumbrella on November 27th, 2005 06:08 pm (UTC)
Great LJ character study. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2005 08:38 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I can't believe they made me feel bad for him, but... poor kid.
cutedevil666cutedevil666 on November 27th, 2005 06:27 pm (UTC)
I loved this fic! It was so sad but deep. Keep writing!
Kimberley: LJ: by everlynlampshade_days on November 29th, 2005 12:44 pm (UTC)
Gosh. *sniffles* This is really good. Really, really right on with the character voice. Poor LJ. :(
she said mysteriouslyresounding_echo on December 27th, 2005 04:18 pm (UTC)
Wow. This was wonderful. You captured it perfectly. I could just hear all these lectures in my head. Very real. And that ending was perfect--I love when things come full-circle.

Also, props for making LJ a believably sad teenager, instead of a whiney little bitch (as many tend to do).

The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on December 31st, 2005 07:37 pm (UTC)
Also, props for making LJ a believably sad teenager, instead of a whiney little bitch

The series started out with him as a major whiner, and I didn't like him at all. But then his character deepened (damn you, PB writers!), and when I came up with this idea for liberateourtime it was so complete-- with the title and everything-- that I was doomed. I had to write it.

dirtandweeds on January 7th, 2006 08:08 am (UTC)
He knows it shouldn’t be like this, but it’s the only way that’s familiar.

It's a very casual phrase, but I love it so much. Knowing the situation isn't right - and it's your fault that it isn't - but not wanting to change it, because it's the only one you recognize, even if you hate it.

He remembers when it was simple—at least he thinks he does, but his life was never as simple as it should have been and never for long enough.

Once again, I really like that centence. Missing the times in your life when you weren't so sad, a lot less sad then you should have been in that time.

But part of the problem often for children, especially those who later grow into adults with problems, is that they don't recognize the message when it's in the "wrong" form.

I entirely agree with that. Seriously - I know I'm late reviewing - but I really liked your story.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: LJ by prisneylandhalfshellvenus on January 7th, 2006 08:30 am (UTC)
Once again, I really like that sentence. Missing the times in your life when you weren't so sad, a lot less sad then you should have been in that time.

That sums it up. His childhood wasn't great, overall, but it was gone so quickly and it was all so much simpler than what's happening now.

Seriously - I know I'm late reviewing - but I really liked your story.

So glad you did! Always happy to get reviews, no matter when they come. Lots of people just finding the fandom even now :-D (they're going to be busy reading for awhile....)
dirtandweeds on January 7th, 2006 08:39 am (UTC)
Yeah - I mean - There isn't many new fanfictions coming in now, so instead I'm going back into the earlier ones that I havn't read because I didn't know this community at the time.

I think POVs are my favorite kind of fiction, of course when they nicely done - and yours really was. 
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on January 7th, 2006 08:50 am (UTC)
There isn't many new fanfictions coming in now, so instead I'm going back into the earlier ones that I havn't read because I didn't know this community at the time.

Thank goodness for my homepage. Everything's there.

I can recommend quincykat's PB fics too, and also aspensnow. Oh, and mooyoo, who has just started posting here. All of them have fanfic100 tables too, so it's slightly easy to get at their stuff (wish more authors had a fic Page like I do, so I could find their stuff without fishing back through endless posts).

So glad you enjoyed this piece. I think it's one of my best, which is a surprise because this isn't one of my favorite characters.
dirtandweeds on January 7th, 2006 09:00 am (UTC)
Ooooh you are sooo nice. ::blushes::

Thanks for the names, I'm defenly going to check them out. I used to go into fanfiction.net - but I don't know - I kind of got sick of it all. Most of the writing is poorly done, and a lot of the writers are so young.

I'm actually not new to fanfictions, I've been obsessing over them for years now, and especially in forums. It's only recently I discovered LJ, and I'm suprised because the communities are very active, and very good.

Thanks again! *leaves a purple flower*
tyrical: AP_aJolietyrical on April 14th, 2006 03:38 am (UTC)
Poor LJ it sucks being a teenager.

I think LJ got it right everyone forgot to just love him.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB Casthalfshellvenus on April 17th, 2006 03:24 am (UTC)
I think LJ got it right everyone forgot to just love him.
He could tell that they did, if he listened to the message behind the words.

But for some people, a message that has to be deciphered just isn't quite real.

He heard it finally... but it was too late.