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18 April 2017 @ 01:03 pm
LJ Idol Season Ten: "The Truth Shall Rise"  
The Truth Shall Rise
idol season ten | week 15 | 522 words
Patchwork heart

x-x-x-x-x

It is a harsh thing to discover that you should not exist. We did not ask to be here, nor does anyone, but we were no accident.

We were an invention of man.

One man in particular created us, a very odd man. He called himself Doctor Fremd, but he was a scientist and not a healer. He spent decades perfecting unholy miracles without once considering whether they ought to succeed.

I was born in a laboratory hidden in the cellar beneath the ruins of a crumbling church. I was not the first of the doctor's creations to survive, nor the most complex. I was simply the most recent. The doctor's strongman and his thinker had come a year earlier, both rungs on a ladder to some unknown destination. Whatever Doctor Fremd was seeking, all we knew was that he had not yet found it.

Were we servants for him? Mere amusements? Or were we the beginning of some obscene army preparing to enact his will upon the world?

There were no castles to storm, no villages to burn, and there were no sworn enemies for the strongman to conquer. The thinker—with the mind of the doctor's wisest colleague stitched in place under the patchwork of his skin—could not conceive of wrongs to be righted or of schemes to be developed.

Had we been pieced together with no purpose? Such were the questions we asked ourselves there in the cellar that ever more closely resembled a dungeon.

The doctor had an assistant, an ill-formed man who was eager to be useful. The assistant hung on the doctor's every word, desperate for knowledge or perhaps only for a hint of companionship.

When the doctor was away, the assistant had no one but us for company. In those circumstances, he was inclined to talk.

Over time, we learned what we were, and that our very existence was wrong.

Every other living thing, down to the beetles that crawled on the floor, came into being as a new sub-form of its kind. Some were smaller versions of what they would become, still others were eggs or larva that would develop on their own.

None of them were pieced together from the unearthed cadavers of those who came before them.

Oh, the horror of it! Loved ones who had been laid to rest in the churchyard above became fodder for the doctor's terrible experiments, and anyone who vexed him might fall prey to his sinister vengeance.

We were the unnatural admixture of murder and desecration.

If anyone knew we existed, they would call us monsters. But I believe that only the truth of a person can be a monster, not the exterior (however hideous it may be).

The kind of man who would rob the dead of their dignity, steal the very heart of the girl who failed to love him (the heart now sewn into my chest)… that man is the very definition of a monster.

The three of us have found our purpose now, and we do not care what it costs us.

Doctor Fremd is evil, and he must be stopped.


--/--


If you liked this story, you can vote for it along with many other fine entries here.

 
 
 
adoptedwriteradoptedwriter on April 18th, 2017 08:49 pm (UTC)
Indeed! Stop him now! Hope to hear more from this story!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 18th, 2017 09:10 pm (UTC)
I don't think it would ever occur to those poor creatures that the reason he has gone down that awful path is, "because he can."

And the assistant... how does he not judge? :O
i_17bingo: toileti_17bingo on April 18th, 2017 09:18 pm (UTC)
Way to get under the skin of Frankenstein's monster. I wish there were more of this, because this is an excellent cliffhanger that, in a perfect world, would lead to all sorts of excitement.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 18th, 2017 11:30 pm (UTC)
I really meant this as a vignette, but I wanted to get inside the character's discovery of what he or she is, the awful feelings that entails, and the understanding of the awfulness of this crime-- an understanding that the "monster's" creator has overlooked or outright rejected.

There's an innocence to these characters, despite how they look, and a poignancy to them being pure of heart in a way that their scientist so clearly is not. :O
(no subject) - alycewilson on April 23rd, 2017 01:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on April 23rd, 2017 08:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
cindy: misc fictsuki_no_bara on April 19th, 2017 04:34 am (UTC)
it's the revenge of the monsters! this is kind of disturbing, with all the hints of what the doctor did, but i love that the "monster's" reaction to finding out what it is and how it came to be is that the doctor has to be stopped. it's so horrified! which i kind of doubt is a personality the doctor would've wanted his experiments to have.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 19th, 2017 08:21 pm (UTC)
The doctor's choices ARE disturbing, not just the grave-robbing but also killing people he gets angry with and then stealing "parts" from them to put into his creations.

I've always liked the idea that, even when you create some new life and think you're in charge of it, there are elements to it that you do not control. What if your robot or monster is more moral than you? What if it doesn't value YOUR life the way you do? Perhaps you've created an army of destruction, and your "soldiers" decide that the target is what needs to be protected rather than destroyed?

Serves you right as an evil scientist or dictator or what-not, I say. ;)
kick_galvanic, zagzagael, skull_theatre: pic#126855595bleodswean on April 20th, 2017 12:39 am (UTC)
The perfect response to this prompt and I love how you brought the heart of the failed love into this piece! Your economy of words here is in such contrast to how much story and character you conveyed!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 20th, 2017 09:50 pm (UTC)
There is such hubris in the idea of trying to create people on your own (and with such disregard for the people whose bodies you're using). It seemed really fitting that the doctor would try to exert control over the colleague he disliked or resented, and the girl who didn't love him back, by killing them and trying to bend them to his whim.

The heart itself, used in vengeance, was really the origin of this whole story.
Banana Galaxybanana_galaxy on April 20th, 2017 05:47 pm (UTC)
I felt a sense of sadness for your protagonist. Consciences count for a lot!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 20th, 2017 09:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much! I'm very pleased you could feel the character's sorrow over what had happened and determination that wrongs be righted.
marlawentmadmarlawentmad on April 20th, 2017 09:23 pm (UTC)
This works beautifully, darkly.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 20th, 2017 09:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
Shadow Wolf Byrdshadowwolf13 on April 21st, 2017 04:02 am (UTC)
Such a interesting perspective!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 21st, 2017 05:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you! The prompt really makes this one want to be told from the "monster"'s POV, which is not the story we usually get. And the monster deserves to be heard!
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 21st, 2017 07:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and understood that perspective on internal truth vs. outer "packaging."
rayasorayaso on April 21st, 2017 10:42 pm (UTC)
This was wonderful in so many ways! An existential monster story with humor and a heart -- what a combination! I loved the idea of stealing the colleague's heart for the wise creation, and that the monsters really had nothing to do. They should turn their attention to Dr. Fremde, but what would happen to monsters already in an existential crisis do if they destroyed their creator?
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 22nd, 2017 09:07 pm (UTC)
The awfulness of creating those monsters just because he can is the kind of thing a terrible person would do, and which would make no sense to anyone more innocent and with a stronger sense of right.

I think that the monsters are perfectly accepting of the idea that they might not survive destroying Dr. Fremd, and may feel that would put things fully right.

But should they survive, I can imagine them trying to add more good to the world in whatever way they can. Secretly, after dark most likely, but still... ;)
Rebeccabeeker121 on April 21st, 2017 10:48 pm (UTC)
So the creations rise up against the creator, perhaps Dr. Fremd should have studied his Frankenstein a little more carefully. Or given them more to do instead of leaving them alone to ponder, too much time is always a dangerous thing. This is creepily good.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 23rd, 2017 08:18 pm (UTC)
That's the nature of hubris, I think-- to imagine that your idea is the first or the best, and that even if anyone before you has tried such a thing, you will of course do it better and avoid their mistakes, because you are so much more special.

That it tends to end the same way, time after time, is probably also fitting. ;)
Teo Says: Smiling Girleternal_ot on April 22nd, 2017 06:07 pm (UTC)
This creepy and fantastic. I like how your mind worked around the prompt to create a monster with conscience. I enjoyed reading this. A nice take!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 23rd, 2017 08:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much! I'm glad the creepiness came through, as well as a reason for empathy. :)
Rebecca Sparrow Wanderlustrswndrlst on April 22nd, 2017 11:49 pm (UTC)

yess!


the poor mad doctor's cteation with a stolen heart and patchwork body, drew me in from the first line


a great read, I've been loving the theme of your entries this season, even this one is dark but with some whismy and I mean that in the best possible way!

The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 23rd, 2017 08:45 pm (UTC)
So glad you enjoyed this!

I feel so for this creature, and the sinister history it does not deserve.

I'm pleased you've been having fun with these stories in general, which have been a lot of fun to write and have also helped me weather a very trying period at the office. Which is still going on... :O
Kellykajel on April 23rd, 2017 02:20 am (UTC)
Awesome! Of course they should stop him! I really loved this.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 23rd, 2017 08:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much!
dmousey: owldmousey on April 23rd, 2017 03:38 am (UTC)
Great take on Frankenstein and for giving us a different viewpoint on the creature. The desperate humanity, anger, and righteous purpose are what I take away. Hugs and peace~~~
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 23rd, 2017 08:46 pm (UTC)
desperate humanity
♥ ♥ ♥

You caught everything I was going for here, and that pleases me so much!
Laura, aka "Ro Arwen": Cat Boxingroina_arwen on April 23rd, 2017 05:41 am (UTC)
I just adore this line: We were the unnatural admixture of murder and desecration. - Perfection!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 23rd, 2017 08:47 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you liked that line! I worked a bit with it, wanting to get the period, the idea, and the awfulness all into one phrase that would really express all those ideas at once, and it sounds as if it succeeded!
favoritebeanfavoritebean on April 23rd, 2017 06:43 am (UTC)
This is an interesting take on the prompt. Tangentially related, but have you ever read the web comic Gunnerkrigg Court? While the themes are a bit different, this has somewhat similar feel to that story.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 23rd, 2017 08:50 pm (UTC)
I have not heard of that, actually! It sound intriguing.

My web-comics are pretty much limited to the occasional xkcd and Hyperbole and a Half. :)
devilz_workshop: pic#126842075devilz_workshop on April 23rd, 2017 04:10 pm (UTC)
Such an existential crisis for the poor monsters. I liked your take for this story.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 23rd, 2017 08:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much! I'm glad this spoke to you. :)
fodschwazzlefodschwazzle on April 23rd, 2017 06:26 pm (UTC)
Fremd as in Fremdschamen? Or maybe just using the root "Fremd" to mean "foreign," as in a man so far removed from what makes others essentially human that he'd stoop to do this to corpses. It's a good reminder that the real monster in Frankenstein was the doctor himself. I especially liked how the creation here likens the corruption of itself to the rats and finds even rats have a better foundation for existence.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 23rd, 2017 08:54 pm (UTC)
Actually, the more basic form of the word-- Fremd is "strange," rather than "Fremde" (alien or foreign). And the type of scientist who would do something so horrific is very strange indeed.

Your take on who that doctor is, though... on the nose. He is himself less human than the creatures he creates. :O
Hillaryxlovebecomesher on April 23rd, 2017 06:36 pm (UTC)
Dark and beautiful! I really like this!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 23rd, 2017 08:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much!
lolaslaughterlolaslaughter on April 23rd, 2017 08:12 pm (UTC)
"But I believe that only the truth of a person can be a monster, not the exterior (however hideous it may be)."

I really loved this line. It was a really awesome take on seeing a person's inner beauty/humanity (or in Doctor Fremd's case, his inner monster.) I am so interested in what happens next!! Great piece!! <3
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 23rd, 2017 09:02 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you liked this, and that line in particular. The juxtaposition of what is inside/outside of Doctor Fremd and his creations was such a huge part of his story, and shows so much of the wrongness (and danger) in believing that those two things are the same.
encrefloueencrefloue on April 23rd, 2017 09:47 pm (UTC)
"but he was a scientist and not a healer."

I love how jarring this subtle turn of phrase was, and how quickly the reader's disgust with the character spirals from this tipping point. I also enjoyed the reveal of the narrator's identity, and it was satisfying to realize how she completed the trio of creations. Excellent work.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 27th, 2017 10:59 pm (UTC)
Thank you for such a lovely and detailed comment! And I'm glad you enjoyed this. :)
tonithegreat: cattonithegreat on April 23rd, 2017 10:03 pm (UTC)
Yay, another good Frankenstein take! Even if the poor protagonist is in a terrible position. I like that she soldiers on. You painted a lot with just a few words here. Nicely done.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 27th, 2017 11:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much! I like the irony of the monsters being in some ways superior to their creator, and the idea that they form autonomy even though he probably never expected that.
d0gs on April 23rd, 2017 10:50 pm (UTC)
i definitely want more of this!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 27th, 2017 11:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
Murielle: Chocolate Good!murielle on April 23rd, 2017 10:51 pm (UTC)
Yes! This is brilliant! I especially like how you led us to the truth slowly, building up to the ending, which is perfect! Yes! He is evil and must be stopped!

As always, so well written.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on April 28th, 2017 12:43 am (UTC)
I'd hoped to pulled reader along, making them feel some of what the 'monster' feels and understand that POV thoroughly.

I'm glad you feel that worked!
Ink Well: Heart By <lj user=groovyamy>penpusher on April 23rd, 2017 10:57 pm (UTC)
Awesome set up to what could be a very entertaining quest! The introspection and thoughtfulness of the narrator runs in direct counterpoint to the freakish and vengeful Doctor.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on May 18th, 2017 10:53 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed this, and sorry about the late reply. :D