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13 January 2015 @ 03:05 pm
LJ Idol Season Nine: "Closer"  
Closer
idol season nine | week 33, quick fire | 126 words
Open topic

x-x-x-x-x

Something lives in the shadows under the stairs.

It whispers whenever I go near, almost-words that are as scary as anything. I run past and try not to listen.

We're not moving, Daddy says. You're imagining things. Maybe he's too tall to hear?

Our cat won't come inside anymore. It's been weeks. She bites and scratches if you try to make her. Nobody but me understands.

"Susie!" Mama calls.

I'm almost in the kitchen before I remember my mother's dead.

Mama.

A cold whoosh of wind pulls me right off my feet and down into the darkness under the stairs.

"Help!" I yell. "Someone help me!"

I fall into the shadows, fall and fall 'til there's nothing but laughter and the echoes of my own screams…


--/--

 
 
 
kick_galvanic, zagzagael, skull_theatrebleodswean on January 13th, 2015 11:28 pm (UTC)
EEEEEE! Nicely done.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on January 14th, 2015 12:42 am (UTC)
I had thought about writing this out as a longer story, but given the deadline decided to try the other route-- getting the same, distinct elements in with the sparest of structures.

I hope it worked. Poor little girl. :(
kick_galvanic, zagzagael, skull_theatrebleodswean on January 14th, 2015 04:02 am (UTC)
It did work. Sometimes a short sharp shock is best. I think you have a true voice for flashfiction!
cindy: misc fictsuki_no_bara on January 14th, 2015 02:43 am (UTC)
well that's disturbing! short and to the point and creeptastic!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on January 16th, 2015 12:09 am (UTC)
Yay! Creepy as all get-out is definitely what I was going for. :)
Donnellejexia on January 14th, 2015 05:46 am (UTC)
ARRRGH scary.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on January 16th, 2015 12:10 am (UTC)
I really wanted to try scary by implication rather than a lot of detail, and I'm hoping this produced that result!
i_17bingoi_17bingo on January 15th, 2015 01:48 pm (UTC)
It whispers whenever I go near, almost-words that are as scary as anything.

No, it's scarier than that.

Because holy crap was this terrifying.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on January 16th, 2015 12:15 am (UTC)
As creepy as something like this would be for an adult, it would be so much worse for a little kid.

Especially when it turns out all her fears were valid!

Thanks for reading. :)