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24 June 2014 @ 10:27 pm
House Fanfiction: "Brewing Up Trouble" (PG)  
Title: Brewing Up Trouble
Fandom: House, M.D.
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Wilson, House (Gen)
Rating: PG
Summary: Roomates, rogues… rivals.
Author's Notes: For firefly124, who wanted House, Wilson, and bad coffee.

x-x-x-x-x

House picked up the coffee pot and smelled the contents. "Did you make this?"

Wilson stopped buttering his toast. "Is there someone else living here you've forgotten to mention? Of course I made it. Why?"

"I detect a certain bouquet of self-loathing and apology."

"I think that's just last night's takeout. So, does that mean you're not going to drink it?"

"Ehhh…" House said.

"Because I never get more than a single cup, and I’m the one who does all the work."

"It's probably not that bad." House filled a mug with coffee. "Mmm," he said drily, "yummy." He took a sip, and then spat it into the sink. "God, that is awful. It tastes like boiled mice."

"Maybe it is." Wilson finished his toast and re-folded the newspaper. When he left for work, House was making a new pot of coffee.

The next day, House complained that the coffee was gritty and stale, and the day after that he compared it to cough syrup. They went through double pots of the stuff every morning, with House throwing out the first batch and making his own.

On Friday, House was woken up a half-hour early by an excruciating leg cramp. He heard rustling in the kitchen, and decided he might as well get out of bed. The smell of fresh coffee flooded the apartment, a familiar lie.

He was about to step into the kitchen when he saw Wilson, hovering over the newly-made pot of coffee. Wilson poured coffee into his own mug, and then added something to the pot.

It looked like salad dressing.

Bastard! House jerked back around the corner, out of sight. He thought about the past week of Wilson pranking him into re-making coffee every morning, and exactly how vinaigrette-flavored coffee might have tasted.

This, he decided, means war.


----- fin -----

 
 
 
firefly_124: househmmm by __instant_karmafirefly124 on June 25th, 2014 08:52 am (UTC)
That is hilarious! And so very them. I think my favorite part is House saying it tastes like boiled mice and Wilson saying, "Maybe it is." I can absolutely hear them both saying that, clear as a bell! Thanks so much!

Edited at 2014-06-25 08:54 am (UTC)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 25th, 2014 05:40 pm (UTC)
You know Wilson wouldn't actually put boiled mice in the coffee pot-- but he would let House think he might.

This was a fun prompt to write, and I'm glad you liked the result! :D
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hairlilycobalt on June 25th, 2014 12:06 pm (UTC)
I'd forgotten how much I missed prank wars between House and Wilson. This captured their voices so well, especially Wilson's matter-of-fact, long-suffering tone.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 25th, 2014 05:41 pm (UTC)
I always loved their prank wars, especially the fact that Wilson was much better at it than House seemed to expect. And if anyone deserved pranking, it was and is House. :D

Thanks for reading!
adoptedwriteradoptedwriter on June 25th, 2014 02:10 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha! I miss that show! AW
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 25th, 2014 05:55 pm (UTC)
Me too-- I've been watching DVDs of it while biking in the garage (mostly during winter), and I'm struck all over again by what a good show it was and how much I enjoyed the writing. And the snark-- the epic snark!