09 March 2014 @ 10:37 pm
LJ Idol Season 9: Introduction  
Step Right Up
LJ Idol S9 | week 0 | 943 words
Introduction

x-x-x-x-x

Are you here for the tour? Yes, we have tours—there's one starting in a few minutes. Just stand here for a moment or two, and we'll get started.

Hello, and welcome to the inner workings of HalfshellVenus! We hope you will enjoy this exploration of the strange, the unexpected, and the occasionally sentimental.

HalfshellVenus began life as a fanfiction writer on Live Journal nine years ago. She is a pseudo-citizen, spawned from an older entity whose lifetime now spans fifty years.

Follow me into the dark recesses of her mind. I apologize for the dust—some of these corners don't get much use. Here, for instance, we have a stack of books on higher math. HalfshellVenus' host entity studied several years of it in college, but all that remains is a familiarity with the technical terminology and the knowledge that Riemann Integrals are a lie. (Don't try this at home).

To the left, we have a lovely little closet with a treble-clef symbol on the door. Years of violin playing and a mental library of classical music are locked up in there. There's a key around here somewhere, but no one has seen it for a while. Let's move on…

Ah, I see you've spotted the den. You're probably wondering what that contraption over there is, aren't you? It's an Exersaucer, one of those bouncing playsets you put babies in. Yes, HalfshellVenus' children are older now—teenagers, both of them—but there are a lot of good memories and stories from when they were younger. You might be reading some of them in the months to come.

This is the kitchen. A lot of the television and movie characters hang out here, drinking free coffee and kicking ideas around—when they're not saving the world or sexing up the bedroom. Speaking of bedrooms, take a look at this one here. The lights have never worked very well, so it's always dark. We leave the door closed most of the time. That's to keep things in. Otherwise, the denizens under the bed get loose and start creeping into Halfshell's fiction. It doesn't happen often, but the janitor hates cleaning up the mess afterward. Would you mind shutting that on your way out? Just like that, yes. Thank you.

These stairs lead up to the attic. I rarely show this area, but you seem like a special crowd. Would you help me with this hatch here? I'm afraid the hinges are quite rusty. There we are! Please, come on up, take a look around. I know it doesn't seem very impressive, but these boxes contain HalfshellVenus' childhood. They rarely get opened, but a few trinkets and reminiscences have made it out for a couple of LJ Idol stories. Please excuse the cobwebs, and—Sir! That chair is not for sitting in! All right, back downstairs everyone. Watch your step. Young man, put that down this instant! There are no souvenirs on this tour.

Now, as we move down the hallway, you'll notice a bicycle on the left. HalfshellVenus does a fair amount of cycling. I suppose you're wondering why both the little-used and heavily-used things look a bit grimy. It's true, but then again, the bicycle goes out on the road and that's not exactly clean, is it?

There are piles of logic and binary code running all through here. They're everywhere, scattered around in clumps, though they don't get mentioned often. HalfshellVenus' day job is in a technical field, and it's obscure enough for most people that discussing it is just too abstract and dry. ASIC register specifications, task logic, and single-vs. multi-threaded processing just become so much word-blather after a while. Who wants to hear that?

For this next part, I must speak very softly. Please monitor your own noise level as we creep past the unpredictable beast known as Satire. He receives entirely too much attention, and has become rather spoiled. Still, we all have our weaknesses. This fellow has been putting on weight for the past several years, so we keep him behind this curtain and hope he doesn't draw too much interest. He has his own agenda, though, and pushes his way into all sorts of writing. His disreputable cousin, Crack, is in a bottom desk drawer in the guest room, under a pile of scrap paper, and he still gets out and wreaks havoc from time to time. It's a strange family, a bad combination of sneaky and persistent. We've had to learn to live with them.

Around this corner, we have collections of photo albums, and birthday and anniversary cards. These are mementos of vacations taken with HalfshellVenus' husband, and of all the wonderful years they've had. Their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary is this May!

On this stand, we have the blender. It's much more than an ordinary household appliance. Prompts and ideas go in here, and then voila—a story comes out! It isn't all quite as random as that makes it sound, but what other explanation could there be for things like the Quarketerium side-by-side with police procedural dramas?

The rest of the place is pretty mundane, I'm afraid. There's an entire room full of home repairs and reorganization that doesn't see much action, and bank statements and other documents that only an accountant would enjoy. Don't even ask about the sewing pile or the laundry.

Well, I hope you've enjoyed today's tour. Please come back again! Sometimes the exhibits even change, or at least, that's what we like to tell people. We're always happy to have visitors, so why not put us on your calendar? And if you would, please—tell your friends. Thank you.



 
 
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>
( 61 comments — Say what you feel )
Ink Wellpenpusher on March 10th, 2014 06:20 am (UTC)
A very delightful tour, worthy of one of those "people mover" devices and perhaps narrated by the guy that used to be the voice of "Moviefone." He's not doing anything anymore, is he? I'm sure he'd work cheap!

Here's hoping your Idol experience is an E Ticket ride!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 10th, 2014 06:45 am (UTC)
Thank you very much! I'm just hoping to keep up my stamina, after the last 4 rounds. Whew!
Teo Sayseternal_ot on March 10th, 2014 06:42 am (UTC)
:)...Would be looking forward to the journey!!..All the best!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 10th, 2014 06:46 am (UTC)
Thank you-- I hope you enjoy it. And as with every season, I'm wondering just how long it will be until the Crack appears. For Exhibit A, it only took until week 4... :O
(no subject) - eternal_ot on March 10th, 2014 11:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on March 10th, 2014 04:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - eternal_ot on March 11th, 2014 04:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
Dan: Peregrinemuchtooarrogant on March 10th, 2014 11:10 am (UTC)
This was great! The higher math, the Exersaucer, the piles of logic and binary code, all parts of you I didn't know about (or forgot, which is just as likely with me.) "That chair isn't for sitting in ..." LOL

Thanks for the fun tour!

Dan
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 10th, 2014 04:46 pm (UTC)
parts of you I didn't know about (or forgot, which is just as likely with me.)

Me too, at this point. I think more stuff falls out than stays in.

Glad you enjoyed the tour, and welcome back for S9!
Desireex_disturbed_x on March 10th, 2014 12:13 pm (UTC)
I liked the tour! :P

I really love reading your writing. It's really all I can manage to say.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 10th, 2014 04:46 pm (UTC)
Thank you! That's wonderful to hear, and I'm glad you're playing again for S9. This will be big. :D
furzicle: pic#92673637furzicle on March 10th, 2014 05:00 pm (UTC)
Ah, math. In the crossword puzzle this morning the clue was: a straight line. Of course I filled in appropriate letters: R A Y. Somewhat later I realized the correct answer was ROW.

D'OH!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on March 10th, 2014 05:37 pm (UTC)
I feel we must revisit lrig_rorrim's Green Room comment about 'overthinking' being a superpower.

Because I probably would have made exactly that same mistake! Rows sometimes are just collections of things, not necessarily "straight" (most gardens show that pretty clearly). But rays are, by definition, straight. ;)

Too much knowledge. It comes back to bite you!
kick_galvanic, zagzagael, skull_theatrebleodswean on March 10th, 2014 09:22 pm (UTC)
I loved your tour! And the blender I LOVE the brain blender!!!!!!!!!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 11th, 2014 04:57 am (UTC)
Thank you! The blender is about the only explanation for the unpredictability of what comes out. Though usually not in the same story. :D
lriG rorriM: keyholelrig_rorrim on March 10th, 2014 10:18 pm (UTC)
*grins* I love how much you packed in here.

And this - "I suppose you're wondering why both the little-used and heavily-used things look a bit grimy." - just made me smile. Nope, I wasn't wondering at all. A life well lived is a grimy one. The same goes for brains. Mmmm brains.

This season is going to be fun. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 11th, 2014 05:01 am (UTC)
The same goes for brains. Mmmm brains.
Eeek! Well, it's an official season-- I feel certain there will be zombies at some point. :D

I just hope this season isn't as painful as #8. That about killed me!
cindytsuki_no_bara on March 11th, 2014 02:12 am (UTC)
what, no hedgehogs? :D (i need to upload a hedge icon, now that i have a couple.) still, a thoroughly enjoyable three-hour tour.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Happy Hedgiehalfshellvenus on March 11th, 2014 05:02 am (UTC)
How could I have forgotten a spare hedgie or two? Well, here-- I'll throw one in as an icon. How's that? :D
goldmourngoldmourn on March 11th, 2014 02:23 pm (UTC)
I enjoyed this tour very much!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Flailhalfshellvenus on March 11th, 2014 04:33 pm (UTC)
Yay! Thank you. :)
swirlsofblueswirlsofblue on March 11th, 2014 06:45 pm (UTC)
Absolutely love the way you styled this as a tour of rooms in your mind, and executed with a brilliant wit and humor.

I too studied maths at uni and I too have deleted most knowledge it :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 11th, 2014 09:23 pm (UTC)
:D I didn't intentionally delete the math knowledge, but it's a "use it or lose it" discipline. Thirty years later (heck, even 10 years later!) it has disappeared on its own. Hardly seems fair, after all the effort I put into studying it!
Kellykajel on March 11th, 2014 07:52 pm (UTC)
A fabulous tour! I shall be sure to come back some time soon. ;)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 11th, 2014 09:23 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I promise to move some pictures around, at least, to keep you entertained. :D
shay_writesshay_writes on March 11th, 2014 11:32 pm (UTC)
Nice!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 12th, 2014 01:24 am (UTC)
:D Thank you!
Vice Captain of the Universe: goodiessweeny_todd on March 12th, 2014 01:34 am (UTC)
I can feel the ringmaster in this!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 12th, 2014 06:20 am (UTC)
The ability to sell the marginally sellable--it's what every attraction needs!
Jennkickthehobbit on March 12th, 2014 02:31 am (UTC)
that's it, I'm adding you. :P
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 12th, 2014 06:20 am (UTC)
Haha! Adding you back. :)
MamaCheshirecheshire23 on March 12th, 2014 02:34 am (UTC)
I like this tour. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 12th, 2014 06:21 am (UTC)
Yay! Glad to see you back for this round, too. :D
mistearyusdiva2mistearyusdiva2 on March 12th, 2014 08:49 am (UTC)
Hello
Quite a tour ... and to say I am impressed with the imagery isn't a lie. Best wishes for your journey in LJidol :) have a great day .
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 12th, 2014 04:45 pm (UTC)
Re: Hello
Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed the trip. :)
shimmerdreamshimmerdream on March 12th, 2014 02:22 pm (UTC)
What a fantastic tour, I certainly enjoyed myself!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 12th, 2014 04:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much! Don't let that Satire beast nip you as you go past. He cannot be trusted!
I'd prefer not to.the_lettersea on March 12th, 2014 09:25 pm (UTC)
Well done (naturally). Even with no intent to buy I cant resist an Open House. :-)

Welcome back, and good luck!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 12th, 2014 11:33 pm (UTC)
Haha! I have the same feeling about Open Houses, and free tours in general.

Thanks you!
Jen and Nixonjenandbronze on March 12th, 2014 11:23 pm (UTC)
I have to say I *LOVED* this twist to introducing yourself!!! Good job and I look forward to reading more entries from you!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 12th, 2014 11:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much!
favoritebean: Mutsumi-chanfavoritebean on March 12th, 2014 11:54 pm (UTC)
Brilliant as always! I love this docent tour of your life.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 13th, 2014 06:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :D
Pika the Brazen Ninjaporn_this_way on March 13th, 2014 04:54 am (UTC)
Does that blender make mixed drinks, by any chance? I think we're all gonna need 'em about midway through the season - if not sooner :P
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 13th, 2014 06:16 pm (UTC)
Usually, it's sooner. Remember S8? That "Copralite" entry was the third week. I used my first 'bye' on that thing. :O
D.binaryorchid on March 13th, 2014 03:34 pm (UTC)
Great idea to write your introduction as a guiding tour through your mind. And how lovely is the picture of the blender! Looking forward to the next stories getting mixed :-D
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 13th, 2014 06:19 pm (UTC)
I'm glad people found the blender funny and not horrifying. Really, given the way the prompts go, I will write pretty much anything I feel satisfies the prompt and makes for a good story.

That Quarketerium entry is perfect proof. :D
whipchickwhipchick on March 13th, 2014 04:18 pm (UTC)
Happy upcoming anniversary :) This was lovely to read, and I'm so glad you're back!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 13th, 2014 06:21 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you're back, too! I don't count on seeing you as often as S8, because you were on a mission to win then (and did!), despite an incredible amount of traveling.

Unless you're staying put more these days. Not at home, necessarily, but in a place or two rather than 30-50. :D
(no subject) - whipchick on March 15th, 2014 02:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
faerie_spark on March 13th, 2014 05:07 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the tour. Most fascinating. i'm so glad you've returned this season! :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 13th, 2014 06:25 pm (UTC)
Thank you-- I'm glad you enjoyed it, and it's nice to see you back too!
lexybackohelectricshock on March 13th, 2014 05:36 pm (UTC)
Nice to see a familiar face! Loved this approach, looking forward to more :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 13th, 2014 06:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad to see that you're back-- I've enjoyed reading your entries in the past. :D
( 61 comments — Say what you feel )
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>