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01 November 2012 @ 10:35 pm
Original Fiction: "Transitions"  
Title: Transitions
Fandom: Original Fiction
Author: HalfshellVenus
Rating: G
Summary: Hope comes and goes. Sometimes it is reborn.
Author's Notes: For writers_choice ("Seasons change"). I'd intended this to be for a contest, not realizing the limit was 140 characters and not 140 words. :o

x-x-x-x-x

We walk through the rustle of fiery leaves by Linden Pond, past that iron bench where we met. We were so young then, so sure our futures would be amazing. Janice still dreamed of painting every aspect of the sky, and I was halfway through a doctoral thesis of unparalleled brilliance.

Our youth and our love made us brazen.

Later, struggling to pay off student loans with Janice's earnings as a graphic artist, we grew bitter and weary. The atmosphere in our apartment was cold as Siberian tundra, our conversations nothing more than cascading accusations.

We divorced a year ago, strangers until today. Janice's mother died; I am the passing approximation of a friend.

We began here once, not knowing our future was merely a fable. But as I steady Janice along, I realize our story is not over yet.


------ fin -----

 
 
 
whipchickwhipchick on November 2nd, 2012 03:36 pm (UTC)
I really like how the visual is so strong, and how you show a gorgeous autumn picture and then show what's underneath.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on November 2nd, 2012 05:13 pm (UTC)
I was really hoping that image would come through. Autumn is a time for reflection, for me, and both in thinking about the past and in reconsidering what's possible in the "now"... that was half the atmospher of the story.

Thanks for reading! Can't believe I skipped right over the 140-character goal, but since I don't use or like Twitter, that limit is off my radar. I always thought it was 140 words, which is still way too small for me in a journalling medium. Heck, Facebook's 400-word (character?) limits is too small!
cindytsuki_no_bara on November 2nd, 2012 09:25 pm (UTC)
this is a much better image of fall than what it is in boston right now - rainy >.< - and i really like that it comes back around to the couple being together. there's a little bit of hope at the end.

but i'm sorry, how do you write a story in 140 CHARACTERS? jeebus.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on November 2nd, 2012 11:54 pm (UTC)
We usually either have summer (heat & dry, dead things) or winter here (rain), but so rarely fall! I miss fall-- it was beautiful in Portland and Eugene.

There's a thought here that you never really know your future-- positive or negative. I'm glad you caught that hint of hope. I wanted that to come through, even just in those few words.

I've written 6-word stories, though they're not much as stories go. Given the many 140-character stories I saw, I'd say that mostly... you don't write very good stories with that restriction. :0
Lose 10 Pounds of Ugly Fat...  Cut Off Your Head.n3m3sis42 on November 5th, 2012 07:03 pm (UTC)
Yeah, how DO you do that?
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on November 5th, 2012 08:36 pm (UTC)
Typically, not well. At least from what I've seen. :0
Lose 10 Pounds of Ugly Fat...  Cut Off Your Head.n3m3sis42 on November 5th, 2012 07:03 pm (UTC)
Oh wow. I really love this. I want to have intelligent things to say, but I think NaNo and the explosion of even more plot drama inside my brain have destroyed my ability for intelligent thought.

The lines that struck me the most were these two:

We were so young then, so sure our futures would be amazing.

We began here once, not knowing our future was merely a fable. But as I steady Janice along, I realize our story is not over yet.

And yeah, I was going to try to say smart things but it ain't happening. My brain really is that dead. I'm sorry. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on November 5th, 2012 08:38 pm (UTC)
Glad you enjoyed it!

I think Nano really will bleed you dry, and you just hope whatever's getting collected amounts to something that's worth losing all non-Nano coherent thought. And that your brain will hang on until the novel's done. :0