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05 October 2011 @ 11:29 am
Supernatural Crack Fiction: "Angels And Anklosauruses" (Castiel, Balthazar, PG)  
Title: Angels And Anklosauruses
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Castiel, Balthazar (Gen, Crack)
Rating: PG
Summary: The Lord moves in mysterious ways, some more than others…
Author's Notes: A Fall Fandom Free-For-All offering for lexhibition, who wanted Supernatural with angels and dinosaurs.

x-x-x-x-x

Balthazar peered down at the earthly tableau. "What are those, exactly?"

"They are God's latest creation," Castiel said. "I believe they are called dinosaurs."

"Really," Balthazar sniffed. "They look ridiculous. 'Ooh, watch me smash down this tree with my what's-it!'"

"Tail," Castiel said. "And we must be respectful. They are the workings of Our Father."

"Oh, how you do go on, Castiel. I wouldn't quite rate them that highly. They look rather half-baked, to me. Hang on—"

"Balthazar!"

Castiel watched, mortified, as one of the dinosaurs danced an awkward jig across a once-lovely swath of greenery. Then it rampaged through a river and mowed down half a primordial forest and a herd of smaller, scaly-skinned beasts.

There was a flash of light, and Balthazar returned. "Well," he said breathlessly. "I'd say that proved my point..."

"What was it like in there?"

"Dim," Balthazar said. "Dim and uncoordinated and incoherent. Apart from the rage."

"Rage?"

"Yes. There was this overwhelming urge to destroy everything."

"Hmm. You must have felt right at home, then."

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" Balthazar demanded.

Castiel remained silent.

"Anyway," Balthazar went on, adopting a casual tone, "these creatures seem like some sort of practice run. At least, I hope so."

"That is blasphemous."

"Honestly, Castiel, when have you ever not considered something to be blasphemous? All I'm saying is, He can do better."

"Do not question His ways, Balthazar. Besides, I find a certain magnificence in these creatures…"

"Magnifi—are you even looking? Do you see all of those teeth? Those spikes? The pathetically unbalanced top and bottom halves of that creature I inhabited just now? And those other ones, the food-beasts, they tasted foul."

Castiel suddenly felt the uncomfortable need to be somewhere Balthazar was not. Perhaps it was time to align himself with some of the other angels.

"He'll get bored with them, you wait," Balthazar added.

Castiel arrived at a decision. "Forgive me, Balthazar, but I'm afraid I must leave now, to meet with Raphael."

"Though before he does," Balthazar continued, "I think I'll just give a few of the others a try!"

He vanished again, and one of the larger beasts below began stomping craters into the landscape and a few of the smaller and less-fortunate other creatures.

Oh, for the love of—

"Balthazar!"


--------- fin ---------

 
 
 
I'm an Honorary Canadian. I have proof!: Castiel's Wingscamshaft22 on October 5th, 2011 06:54 pm (UTC)
This is awesome!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Supernaturalhalfshellvenus on October 5th, 2011 06:58 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Boy, what a gloriously bizarre idea for a story. I just hope the requester thinks I did it justice. :D
cindy: spn - dean facepalm (by mixedbatch)tsuki_no_bara on October 5th, 2011 07:04 pm (UTC)
heeee! i love the idea of balthazar taking over dinosaurs and stomping all over everything. also castiel's unquestioning, almost knee-jerk approval of everything god does is very him, as is his discomfort with balthazar's disdain and gleeful dino-possession. but mostly balthazar as a t-rex makes me giggle.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Yay!halfshellvenus on October 5th, 2011 07:06 pm (UTC)
Ha-HA! You were able to tell that Balthazar was a T-Rex! \o/ \o/

This really seemed so much like both of them, especially Balthazar mocking the dinosaurs both from within and without. I can so see him just trashing everything around him, with utterly inappropriate glee.

And poor Castiel being, of course, mortified...

So glad you liked it! \o/
Tamara Mac: Sam is thinkingteardrop_tattoo on October 5th, 2011 08:20 pm (UTC)
I love this. SO fuuny, so in character, and so...Ah, perfect. *Happy sigh* :D
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Supernaturalhalfshellvenus on October 5th, 2011 08:23 pm (UTC)
That is music to my ears, especially since I haven't tried writing Balthazar before.

But oh, was this idea ever made for him!

Thanks so much for reading and commening. :)
heliokleia: CAS IC - ANIM - Pretty in 3-2-1heliokleia on October 5th, 2011 09:31 pm (UTC)
Hehehe... so you gave sassy Balthy a new playground, o ador(k)able Mme Venus...^^

...But what do you think, would our angelic rascal do, when he meets...

PLUSH-GODZI
Him?
*giggles & waves*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Laugh SPNhalfshellvenus on October 5th, 2011 10:13 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha! You know, its plushy fatness only makes it cuter.

Grrr, so fierce and yet so squeezable! \o/
auroramamaauroramama on October 5th, 2011 10:30 pm (UTC)
What would he do? Take it to bed. Isn't that his default?

I love his scorn for the dinosaurs, followed by his using their bodies as, basically, carved-potato landscape stampers. Maybe the Creator was considering the audience?
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Laugh SPNhalfshellvenus on October 6th, 2011 04:19 am (UTC)
Take it to bed. Isn't that his default?

Ooh, so cruel... and yet so true! :D

followed by his using their bodies as, basically, carved-potato landscape stampers.
What a great description! And I agree, it's all about the stomping and rampaging for him.

Perhaps Balthazar was appreciating the Lord's creation in his own way, after all? ;)
brigid_tanner: boys-giggle snortbrigid_tanner on October 6th, 2011 01:51 am (UTC)
LMAO!! Totally Balthazar :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Laugh SPNhalfshellvenus on October 6th, 2011 04:21 am (UTC)
Thank you! He's new for me, but if any of the angels were ever try out a dinosaur from the inside, he'd be the one. He's so delightfully ill-behaved. :D
tabaqui: castielairquotesbybittersweet_arttabaqui on October 6th, 2011 12:25 pm (UTC)
*dies laughing*

:)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Laugh SPNhalfshellvenus on October 6th, 2011 06:10 pm (UTC)
:D It's so wrong... which is the most irresistible part of crack for me, always. :D
lexhibition on October 7th, 2011 11:19 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH oh wow, thank you SO SO SO MUCH for taking this and running with it!

Balthazar is ADORABLE, of course, OF COURSE he would take dinosaurs for joyrides! OR COURSE. I actually think that may be the most In Character thing I've ever read him doing in fanfiction. KUDOS TO YOU! And Castiel's dour disapproval ahhhhahahahahahahahahahahah he's so precious. THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ANGELIC SHENANIGANS WITH DINOSAURS I absolutely love it!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Laugh SPNhalfshellvenus on October 8th, 2011 03:56 am (UTC)
Joyrides! That's it, exactly!

That seems so like Balthazar, to me, to mock dinosaurs in one breath and in the next, to take one over and destroy half the countryside. He's so wonderfully impulsive.

I do feel for poor Castiel, who is such a true believer and is surrounded by those who are less devout. Even the other angels!

I'm so glad you liked this. It was such an irresistible prompt, and I'm glad it kicked something off. I tell you, most of my crack-fic totally comes from other people's ideas-- Pirate Wincest, Dean/Miss Piggy, Godzilla attacking Fox River Prison, this glorious angels and dinosaurs idea. I would never come up with this stuff on my own!
the key of the day and the lock of the night: SDSplatteredlocknkey on October 8th, 2011 11:25 pm (UTC)
LOL! *grins*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Laugh SPNhalfshellvenus on October 9th, 2011 03:34 am (UTC)
Glad you liked it! Ah, crack- so rare, but so satisfying. :D