?

Log in

 
 
13 October 2009 @ 05:05 pm
Happy Birthday, embroiderama! This is for you. :)  
Title: Until The Sun
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Sam, Dean (Gen, Drabbles, Drama)
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Summary: Three Winchester vignettes from pre-series to Episode 5x05.
Author's Notes: Happy Birthday to embroiderama! It was wonderful to meet you in person, and I hope this is to your liking.
Also for supernatural100, this is "Clouds."

x-x-x-x-x


I

Riding in the backseat with Sammy, Dean daydreams, talks or sleeps.

Sammy looks out the window instead—not actually out, but up.

"What're you doing?" Dean finally asks.

"Watching for clouds. Maybe Mom's there—why doesn't she come back?"

"She can't," Dean chokes out. "Not ever."

"Oh."

Sammy cuddles his blanket. "I miss her."

Furious tears sting Dean's eyes. Sammy didn't—he never

Dad keeps telling him Sammy doesn't understand, that he's only four.

"Me too," Dean says thickly, wishing he could remember her like he used to.

Through the glass, the clouds are as distant and unhelpful as ever.




II

"You're not going, and that's final!" Dad yells.

"It's paid for, and it's my decision," Sam snaps back, feet thudding across the house until the door slams shut behind him.

Dean listens in the kitchen, frozen in place. He doesn't want Sam leaving either, but that's in the future—all this anger is now. Dad and Sam fight over something nearly every day anymore.

Sam going to Stanford is the biggest reason yet. No matter what happens, no single answer will satisfy them all.

Come two months, someone's going to be heartbroken.

It might even be all three of them.



III

So it's the Apocalypse now, like things weren't shitty enough post-Hell and Sam hadn't almost become a demon.

It's their mess to clean up. They're responsible for starting it (and fuck the angels for making sure they did). With death and demons on the rise, the angels offer nothing but ultimatums. If there's a solution besides that vessel-of-Michael bullshit, Dean can't see it.

Things only grow darker when Sam falls apart, and Dean lets him go out of self-preservation.

Discovering he's wrong… it isn't hope, but it's something.

Being together again is the ray of light shining on the horizon.



-------- fin --------

 
 
a rearranger of the proverbial bookshelf: Dean & Sam - beers chillembroiderama on October 14th, 2009 01:30 am (UTC)
Oh wow, these are all so gorgeous! They all made me wibble, especially the first one and the last line of the third. Thank you SO MUCH!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 14th, 2009 01:35 am (UTC)
Yay, I'm so glad you liked them! I haven't done multiple drabbles on a prompt in ages, but "Clouds" was so well suited to being interpreted as literal, "stormy," and "confused."

So much heartbreak for these two boys, dating so far back. I keep hoping they'll find the peace they deserve, even if only for awhile.

Happy Birthday! I hope this made it just that much better, and that you're celebrating yourself in style today. :)
Yo: SPN:  Sam BW for prettydreamlittleyo on October 14th, 2009 03:32 am (UTC)
Oh, honey, BEAUTIFUL! So much HEART in these,I love them!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 14th, 2009 08:15 pm (UTC)
Thank you! It was so nice to get down inside this theme and work it from multiple angles, and oh-- so many angsty places it could apply.
faithinfaithfaithinfaith on October 14th, 2009 11:43 am (UTC)
Oboy! That was good! Made me cry actually. Wonderful work! Thanks for sharing! And thanks to you, embroiderma for having you birthday so I could read this great piece!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 14th, 2009 10:37 pm (UTC)
Yay-- glad you liked it!

That prompt was surprisingly rich, in the way it could be interpreted literally or abstractly, and there is so much in the Winchester history that is colored by those angsty moments, as much now as ever. *sniffle*
cindy: spn - ouija handstsuki_no_bara on October 14th, 2009 03:30 pm (UTC)
oh, boys. i love that dean is kind of protective of mary's memory in the first one, getting ticked because sammy doesn't even remember their mom, so how can he miss her? and i really like "fuck the angels for making sure they did" - dean knows he and sam were played.

but mostly i'm all "oh boys", because these are such good snippets of their relationship, and thank god they're finally acting like adults and actually working at being together.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 14th, 2009 10:41 pm (UTC)
getting ticked because sammy doesn't even remember their mom, so how can he miss her?
That's the kind of thing that would just destroy someone in his position, because his mother is more than a collection of stories or an idea of motherhood. She's everything Dean lost, and Sam has no idea.

and i really like "fuck the angels for making sure they did" - dean knows he and sam were played.
They sure were, which is NOT what angels are supposed to be about. A year of getting jerked around by Castiel and his cohorts, and it all amounted to them wanting to destroy everything Sam and Dean were trying to save. Still makes me mad even now!

and thank god they're finally acting like adults and actually working at being together.
And I would so love to see them learning to get along and find that closeness again, instead of "Crack, crack, epicBattle, angst, crack" the way the season seems to be headed.
borgmama1of5borgmama1of5 on October 15th, 2009 01:01 am (UTC)
The first one had so much impact is so few words!

And thank you for the hope in the last one!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 16th, 2009 03:18 am (UTC)
The first one... poor Sammy doesn't even know he's twisting the knife with everything he says, and a child that age could so easily hope that his mother would come back. Magic is still very real then, and the world very mysterious.

The hope in the last one... I need that for myself too!

Thanks for reading. And I love your username. :)
Jas Masson: gods angelsjasmasson on October 15th, 2009 05:04 pm (UTC)
Being together again is the ray of light shining on the horizon.

YES. <3
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 16th, 2009 03:19 am (UTC)
\o/ It's my ray of light too. Please, let it remain. *begs Kripke*
Awash in Ennuifaunaana on October 20th, 2009 02:15 am (UTC)
Just to let you know, we've recced this in this week's crack_impala found here. =D
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 22nd, 2009 06:44 am (UTC)
Wow-- thank you so much!
moodswingersmoodswingers on October 20th, 2009 05:40 pm (UTC)
This was wonderful, all of them. I love the hopeful ending.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 22nd, 2009 06:48 am (UTC)
Thank you! I need that hope myself. I'm so worn down by the boys' misery, and I want them to be happy together again. I'd sacrifice canon making any kind of sense in order to get that, at this point!
tyrical: Text_Sure is quiettyrical on October 30th, 2009 10:57 pm (UTC)
I really clung to II having seen most of that season this one resonated so well. That time where things are falling apart but you don't know how much or how badly. Then when you look back and think, if I had been stronger, faster, something, anything! Then maybe all this wouldn't be. Then the utter realization that seems so final, was that you were to willing and to human to do anything else. God that must suck! Considering where the boys are now I'd say any reflection right now should be left behind in the rear view mirror. There is only now and now really, really, sucks and the truth of the matter is the fact that in the end you can only save yourself.

Pets the boys. No rest for the weary or the wicked.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 2nd, 2009 06:26 am (UTC)
I'm so late responding to this-- once mini_wrimo started I got sidetracked from everything except creeping through my nightly 100-word minimum. :0

It's funny that even after all this time, one of the things that resonates most strongly for me happened prior to the actual Pilot: Sam going off to Stanford (the difficulty of that decision, the heartbreak for both him and Dean), and then the ache of those four years while Sam was gone and how hard that would have been for Dean. When I first started writing fanfic, I was so uncomfortable with writing outside the scope of the show's episodes. It's hard to remember that now, because in the relationship between Sam and Dean since that period it's impossible not to think how that earlier time would have gone for them. You find yourself projecting back into that huge period of conflict and heartache, because for the longest time it was the most significant thing in the relationship between Sam and Dean-- that rift, and the difficulty of getting "comfortable" with each other again.

It never gets old for me, just like S1 of Dean wondering if Sam will ever love him enough to stay never gets old.
moodswingersmoodswingers on December 15th, 2009 07:21 pm (UTC)
You have been recced at sawedoff_recs here.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 15th, 2009 09:19 pm (UTC)
Goodness! Thank you so much! :)