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17 August 2009 @ 06:38 pm
Supernatural Gen Fiction: "A Critic In Every Corner" (Dean vs. Castiel, PG)  
Title: A Critic In Every Corner
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Dean vs. Castiel (Gen, Humor, Drabble)
Rating: PG
Summary (post 4x22): For Dean, any day involving Castiel can feel like judgment day.
Author's Notes: Happy belated birthday to huntress69! I hope this gives you a giggle. :)

x-x-x-x-x

"You are eating again."

Dean paused with the hamburger still half-jammed into his mouth, his gaze wandering over to where Castiel now stood. He took a smaller bite instead. "Human bodies need fuel," he said simply.

"Surely not in such quantities."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Seems to me that when Jimmy finally got his body back, he acted like he was starving. Didn't you ever feed the poor man?"

"It was not strictly necessary. And there were other priorities."

"Not for Jimmy," Dean muttered. "You staying, or what? Take off the coat, for crying out loud—it's summer. Makes you look like a flasher."

"Removing it would be unwise."

"You still haven't fixed the holes?"

"Not yet." Castiel sat down across from Dean. "What is this?"

"A French fry."

"I will try it."

Dean blinked. "Of course you will. Probably couldn't stop you anyway."

"It is good. Perhaps another?"

Dean's jaw grew tight. This was familiar territory, where someone judged his food choices in one breath and tried to make good on them in the next. "How about ordering a meal for yourself, if you like them so much?"

"You wish to hoard them on an individual basis?"

"No!" Dean protested. "Well, maybe…" His eyes narrowed with the sense of being toyed with. "But that's beside the point. Why are you here stealing my French fries anyway, Castiel? I mean granted, they're good and all, but seriously, haven't you got an Apocalypse to run?"

"So what you are saying is—"

"I'm saying, put down the freakin' ketchup already and get back to work."

"Oh."


-------- fin --------

 
 
 
Cass E. Pants: SPN - dean is a text based adventurecass404 on August 18th, 2009 01:50 am (UTC)
Even the Apocalypse pauses for fries...
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Laugh SPNhalfshellvenus on August 18th, 2009 02:08 am (UTC)
As it should! Especially the really good steak fries. Mmmmmmm.... ;)
Mara: Yaymara_snh on August 18th, 2009 02:03 am (UTC)
Ha! French-fried crack, even for angels, apparently. I approve of this.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 18th, 2009 02:10 am (UTC)
:D It's so easy to mock gluttony, until you sample the goods. :0

And I can't blame Castiel for skipping out for awhile-- that endgame was never HIS idea. Lots of other angels, sure, but apparently he wasn't high enough up the ladder to discover the truth. :)
The Huntress: Castiel/Deanhuntress69 on August 18th, 2009 02:29 am (UTC)
I'm late for my own fic LOL, but I have a valid excuse. Have been out getting school supplies for somebody's freshman year of HS.

I did love this, oh so much, and the part with Cas eating Dean's food, I don't know how many times I've gone through that with people. Thank you so very much, and I love you!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 18th, 2009 02:34 am (UTC)
Hee- not late at all! I just posted it, since I've been flailing around pretty much non-stop since Thursday and couldn't get it finished. I was dozing off during the story completion last night, but there are still those pesky title/summary details that get harder as time goes on. :0

I don't know how many times I've gone through that with people.
Sadly, my father is a "food thief," which he passed down to most of his kids. I've never strayed beyond my husband's or kids' plates, but still! It's not good. :( However, he was right when he said that the same food on someone else's plate DOES taste better!

I hope this made you laugh, and I couldn't resist the dig at the trenchcoat. Which, as it turns out, has a purpose after all. Bullet holes CAN be a little unsettling. :0

Hope your actual birthday was lots of fun!
The Huntress: Castiel/Deanhuntress69 on August 18th, 2009 02:50 am (UTC)
My kids do that, they order what they want, then they eat mine. And I make mention in a current chap of my Cas fic that he reminds Dean of a flasher. I keep expecting him to just open his coat at some random moment and have everyone's eyes grow wide and their mouths drop open.
mute_mime: dean/fightingwaytoolongmute_mime on August 18th, 2009 03:02 am (UTC)
A question for the ages: Apocalypse or Fries?

*hmmmmmm*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 18th, 2009 04:06 am (UTC)
Once the Apocalypse ends, no fries will be left!

The question answers itself! :D
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 18th, 2009 04:07 am (UTC)
Especially after being 'lectured' over the quantity and/or healthfulness of it. THAT's got to get old, and I'm sure Sam has done that to him a bazillion times.

"I'll just have a salad."
...
"Gimme a bite of your steak."
The Large Purple Weed: Castiel > pietracy on August 18th, 2009 03:21 am (UTC)
"You wish to hoard them on an individual basis?"

I LOVE YOUR CASTIEL. That is all. ♥♥♥
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 18th, 2009 04:07 am (UTC)
Hee-hee! Thank you! :D
cindy: spn - dean facepalm (by mixedbatch)tsuki_no_bara on August 18th, 2009 04:01 am (UTC)
heee. i don't blame castiel - i'd want to pause in my apocalypsing to steal someone's fries too.

aaaaand now i'm hungry. >.< damn you.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Laugh SPNhalfshellvenus on August 18th, 2009 04:08 am (UTC)
Fires and plagues, or fries with ketchup? I know which one I'd pick!

And I'll admit it, now I'm jonesing for fries. I did it to myself!
layne: spn castiellayne67 on August 18th, 2009 04:05 am (UTC)
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Castiel putting the apocalypse on hold for the fries!! Love this so much.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 18th, 2009 05:45 pm (UTC)
There's the initial temptation of bothering Dean, but once he's discovered what fries are like... MMMmmmmmmm-buh-what? Other responsibilities?
ErinRua: Bad Boyzerinrua on August 18th, 2009 04:41 am (UTC)
BUAHAHA! Screw the Apocalypes, there's Micky D up ahead! Hee!

Priceless. ;-)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Laugh SPNhalfshellvenus on August 18th, 2009 05:45 pm (UTC)
There's definitely no argument about which of those is more fun. ;)
brigid_tanner: Castiel-infuriating bastardbrigid_tanner on August 18th, 2009 12:18 pm (UTC)
"Not for Jimmy," Dean muttered. "You staying, or what? Take off the coat, for crying out loud—it's summer. Makes you look like a flasher." LOL!!

This was fun.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 18th, 2009 07:08 pm (UTC)
I know others have poked fun in that in fics too, especially in the sense that Castiel is not required to be wedded to Jimmy's wardrobe. He's not a ghost, for crying out loud, who is stuck wearing whatever final garment the person had on at the time of death!
latvela: dean & castiellatvela on August 18th, 2009 02:35 pm (UTC)
Cute :) And it's one of my dreams that Dean addresses the issue of poor Jimmy's hunger with Cas. I hope it happens!

"Removing it would be unwise."

"You still haven't fixed the holes?"

"Not yet."


Hee. The fact that this went unexplained just made it so much funnier!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 18th, 2009 07:11 pm (UTC)
And it's one of my dreams that Dean addresses the issue of poor Jimmy's hunger with Cas.
Yes- the way Jimmy was attacking his food when Sam and Dean first found him really spoke volumes about whether HE thought he was hungry or not. :0

And since Castiel appears never to have changed Jimmy's clothes, we have the bullet holes from when Dean first met Castiel, plus some stab wounds now, I believe. With Castiel's somewhat distracted personality (when it comes to earthly things) it's possible that he might have cleaned up the shirt, but not repaired any other damage. :0
saintsghostsaintsghost on August 18th, 2009 03:02 pm (UTC)
LMAO. :) wow!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Laugh SPNhalfshellvenus on August 18th, 2009 07:11 pm (UTC)
Yay- glad you found this funny!
alleysweeperalleysweeper on August 18th, 2009 08:56 pm (UTC)
Hee! DvC never fails to amuse me.


Rock On!
Alley
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 19th, 2009 12:44 am (UTC)
Or me-- something about Castiel's style was born to irritate Dean. Possibly on purpose. ;)
thetallulahthetallulah on August 19th, 2009 12:40 pm (UTC)
Reading this during my Lunchbreak...appropriate! YOU made me spit my coffee over the whole table...my favourite sentence "You wish to hoard them on an individual basis?" YEEESSSSSS!!!!! <<<3
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 20th, 2009 06:03 pm (UTC)
Hee! Glad you enjoyed it!

It does seem odd to deny a second french fry, if you don't know what's going on in Dean's head. :D
labseraphlabseraph on August 19th, 2009 10:59 pm (UTC)
I don't understand why people who question Dean's food choices should want to steal/share his food as well. If you're gonna judge me for my chocolate habit, I ain't sharing.

*ponders*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 20th, 2009 06:06 pm (UTC)
With Sam, I'm sure he nags Dean about the freqency with which Dean orders the "junky" food... except that once it's there, those fries/pie/etc. look darn good. In tiny sample amounts of righteousness, of course, not an entire meal. ;)

And for Castiel, he's nagging Dean about the amount of food that he eats, but at the same time... the food-stealing scenario is all too familiar.

You can see why Dean might find that annoying after about the 3rd or 4th run-through with Sam, and that was probably years ago. :0
getting the chocolate in the peanut butter: spn:castiel:lanternwastedotfic on August 21st, 2009 03:06 am (UTC)
I see angels as well as demons are vulnerable to the lure of French fries. Hee!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 21st, 2009 03:17 am (UTC)
Maddening, isn't it? What hope do mere mortals have to resist them?!?

I think that would be worse for someone like Castiel. If you don't bother to eat anything to begin with, the stuff that tastes good is REALLY good.

Kind of reminds me of my college roommate, whose parents insisted on not having a television in the house. Whenever she or her brother encountered one, they would watch anything. It was all indiscriminately fascinating to them. :0
febxsan on December 11th, 2013 03:24 am (UTC)
i have fun reading this XD.
Thank you for this :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 11th, 2013 05:08 am (UTC)
Glad you liked it! I went on quite a spree back in the day on these. They were fun. :)