The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors
05 January 2020 @ 10:49 am


Prison Break Fanfiction
I write primarily non-shipper general fiction, and some Lincoln/Michael slash pieces as well. Yes, I know they’re brothers… and no, I normally wouldn’t be writing brothercest. That said, if it’s not your thing then please stick to the General Fiction section.

                  Prison Break Gen Fiction                      Prison Break Slash Fiction

Supernatural Fanfiction
Supernatural also deals with two brothers, who in this case are bound together in the pursuit of demons and vengeance. An excellent overview of this show and its characters can be found here.
                  Supernatural Gen Fiction                      Supernatural Slash Fiction

Other Fanfiction: Iron Man, Die Hard 4, Chuck, White Collar, Burn Notice, Reaper, and more

Original Fiction and Non-Fiction Stories: Miscellaneous Original Fiction // Real LJ Idol Season 8 // LJ Idol Exhibit A // LJ Idol Exhibit B

The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors
09 July 2014 @ 05:02 pm
I forgot to post about this last week, and it happened the day after my post on inventing "Freudenschade" as a concept. In fact, it was the highlight of last Tuesday for me:

As I was nearing the driveway for my office, a guy on a riding mower was cutting the grass next to the curb. Suddenly, a bunch of flappy orange things came flying out from under the mower. He stopped and looked back over the side: "Whuh?"

Dude. You mowed a traffic cone! You'd think the 3-D-ness of it would have caught his attention beforehand...

We went to my brother's house for BBQ and home fireworks on July 4th. It was great as usual, though the trip there was a little faster (and some stretches of the road seemed to be pointing in a new direction). The trip home, where my daughter was really peeved that I wouldn't let her drive through the pitch-black farm roads where there sometimes is no painted edge-line and the oncoming traffic blinds you? Gllllaghhh. Worst trip ever! There was definitely road construction and highway rerouting, and in addition to the usual awfulness, one of those completely unlit areas just had plastic tabs to mark the lanes (no paint!) and giant, widely-spaced construction pylons to indicate where the edge of the road might be. It was a white-knuckle event, and I turned my brights on more than once. :(

HalfshellHusband and I watched Happy Accidents, a romantic comedy with Marisa Tomei and Vincent D'Onofrio. It's very offbeat, and kind of sweet and sad at once, and I can't tell you anything about it without spoiling the plot! But we both liked it. The next night, the family watched Best In Show, a mockumentary about dog-show people by Christopher Guest. It's mostly low-key humor and absurdity, with a great cast. It took me a moment to recognize Guest, playing a red-haired, southern bait-shop owner. I know he mostly does writing/directing, but he really could get steady work as a character actor. The best part of the movie, though? Fred Willard as the host of the dog show, which was almost the whole second half of the movie. Willard has this amazing gift for doing agressively clueless, avuncular characters. I suspect he ad-libbed a lot of his lines there, and the bizarre things that came out of his mouth were a reason on their own to watch the movie. I kind of wish someone would string together all of his moments from Back To You and some of his movie roles, so I could just watch him doing his thing and not have to sit through the entire vehicle-of-conveyance (he's never the lead, so his screentime tends to be small). Fred Willard, I heart you and your particular brand of insanity.

Okay, Wednesday already! I.e., almost Friday! \o/ And where will you all be?

Tags: , , , ,
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors
Civic Obligations
lj idol season nine | week 14 | 773 words
Confession From The Chair


You might think being a small-town mayor is an easy job, but let me tell you, there's no end of aggravation. It isn't all ribbon-cutting and pie-judging and kissing babies. There's also paperwork, campaigning for re-election, and City Council meetings.

God, those damned meetings.

Maybe the town just isn't small enough. I'll bet those puny little one-stoplight places let the mayor run everything, without having to listen to the same old gripes from the same old people. Those mayors can probably make laws on their own, instead of having to put things up for committee vote.

Being the mayor, I'm also chairman of the City Council. Every second and fourth Tuesday, we meet up in the council hall and see what's what. Most times, one of the "whats" is Edgar Probart. Eddie is what you'd call a gun nut, one of those survivalist types. Half the time, he thinks he's a valued companion to law enforcement, and the other half he's plumb certain the town police and all their friends in black helicopters are coming to take away his property. Eddie likes to go on about the 'gummint' and secret Presidential plots, and having to listen to that crap really wears a guy down. Citizens are given five minutes to speak at the council meetings, and they get their five minutes—no matter how crazy they are or how many times you've heard their particular rant.

Read more...Collapse )

(This week's voting is for fellow contestants only)...

The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors
01 July 2014 @ 11:17 am
by which I mean, inform you that Crazy Castle Guy on I-80 near Sacramento is now building a vineyard on his property. I know this because

  • His castle is right next to the freeway,

  • It's completely visible (because while you might think someone living in that location would immediately put up a soundwall or at least some camouflaging vegetation, that would defeat the purpose of his castle being seen), and

  • The original plot of grapevines continues to expand rapidly. It's nearing a harvestable size.

  • None of this obscures the large boat, the RV, or the construction equipment on the freeway side of the castle, though. Classy!

    I'm thinking 'manic,' personally. About the whole damn thing.

    I finished American Gods, finally. That took forever, though it sped up near the end. That book is a grand, sprawling epic that while a more 'important' endeavor than The Anansi Boys was for me still a lot less fun and less captivating. I'm really glad I read the other first, because I would have been spoiled otherwise for who Fat Charlie Nancy was and exactly how and why his hapless life began to unravel. Next up: The Poet (another Michael Connolly) and perhaps Ancillary Justice (sci-fi), though the world-building in that second one is already annoying me in just the first chapter. Alien cultures? Yes! Weirdness for the sake of being weird? No!

    Apropos of nothing... I want to invent a word that is almost the inverse of Schadenfreude, perhaps something like Freudenschade. It isn't sorrow at others' joy, it's more when you are saddened by something that is happy news for someone else. Specifically, Stephen Colbert's upcoming departure from his show to replace David Letterman. LOTS of people can be talk-show hosts, but there is only one Stephen Colbert. :( And with each passing episode (marked with a countdown of how many are left, just to twist the knife), I regret more and more that The Colbert Report is ending. The celebrity interviews are my least favorite part of the show—I usually skip them! But the insane satire? I live for it. *weeps for the future*

    So, what are you regretting today?

    The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors
    30 June 2014 @ 02:01 pm
    lj idol season nine | week 13 | 1111 words
    Open Topic


    Under a rock beside a forgotten well lies a necklace of finest artistry. Anyone else would think it foolish to leave something so beautiful and costly behind, but such ideas mean nothing when its wearer is lost.

    It was I who put it there.

    The necklace belonged to Nerea, a golden-haired girl with sky-blue eyes. Nerea was my first love. Her father was the town merchant and mine the blacksmith, and we had grown up together and transitioned into that place where someone you have known forever suddenly becomes much smarter and more beautiful than you could ever have imagined.

    We walked together in the evenings, trading teasing words at first and then later, promises toward the future. We had our love, our families, and the willingness to leave everything we knew should our parents not permit our union.

    It was in June, in the hour before dusk, that we came across a tiny old man standing at the edge of the woods.

    Read more...Collapse )

    If you enjoyed this story, community members can vote for it and many other fine entries here. Anyone can join, and there is a lot of good reading to be had!

    The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors
    26 June 2014 @ 11:53 pm
    Title: Two If By Sea
    Author: HalfshellVenus
    Characters: Sam, Dean (Gen, Drabble)
    Rating: PG
    Summary: It's paradise, all right, but you can't get there by car.
    Author's Notes: For celtic_forest, who wanted Sam and Dean in Hawaii.


    Dragging Dean off the airplane and into a rental car wasn't the ideal start to a vacation, but whatever worked. Including sedatives.

    Thirty miles out of Honolulu, Dean suddenly came fully awake. "This is gorgeous!"

    "That's why people come here," Sam said.

    "I know, but it's unreal. Wait—it's not real, is it? I'm dreaming."

    "Christ, Dean, I spent half a day wrangling you here. No dream's worth that."

    "Okay, okay… Can we stop and walk in the ocean, then?


    Dean stood in the sand, waves spilling over his toes. "This is a vacation, Sammy."

    Yep. All for you…

    ----- fin -----

    The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors
    Title: Brewing Up Trouble
    Fandom: House, M.D.
    Author: HalfshellVenus
    Characters: Wilson, House (Gen)
    Rating: PG
    Summary: Roomates, rogues… rivals.
    Author's Notes: For firefly124, who wanted House, Wilson, and bad coffee.


    House picked up the coffee pot and smelled the contents. "Did you make this?"

    Wilson stopped buttering his toast. "Is there someone else living here you've forgotten to mention? Of course I made it. Why?"

    "I detect a certain bouquet of self-loathing and apology."

    "I think that's just last night's takeout. So, does that mean you're not going to drink it?"

    "Ehhh…" House said.

    "Because I never get more than a single cup, and I’m the one who does all the work."

    "It's probably not that bad." House filled a mug with coffee. "Mmm," he said drily, "yummy." He took a sip, and then spat it into the sink. "God, that is awful. It tastes like boiled mice."

    "Maybe it is." Wilson finished his toast and re-folded the newspaper. When he left for work, House was making a new pot of coffee.

    The next day, House complained that the coffee was gritty and stale, and the day after that he compared it to cough syrup. They went through double pots of the stuff every morning, with House throwing out the first batch and making his own.

    On Friday, House was woken up a half-hour early by an excruciating leg cramp. He heard rustling in the kitchen, and decided he might as well get out of bed. The smell of fresh coffee flooded the apartment, a familiar lie.

    He was about to step into the kitchen when he saw Wilson, hovering over the newly-made pot of coffee. Wilson poured coffee into his own mug, and then added something to the pot.

    It looked like salad dressing.

    Bastard! House jerked back around the corner, out of sight. He thought about the past week of Wilson pranking him into re-making coffee every morning, and exactly how vinaigrette-flavored coffee might have tasted.

    This, he decided, means war.

    ----- fin -----

    The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors
    24 June 2014 @ 11:32 am
    Still working on the drabbles from last week. Slowwwly. I finished one, and have the House one almost ready. I will get to them, though, in and around working on this next week's Idol story, which is "Open Topic," so... Idol inspiration could come at any time. Or not. Ulp!

    I finished The Dog Stars while on vacation. It was a good post-apocalyptic story, though I nearly quit on it because of the prose style. Sentence. fragments. Why? I understand that the author was aiming for a stream-of-conscious style, but there are other ways to execute that without being quite so annoying. Commas! Quotation marks for when people are speaking! Don't make me re-parse sentences on a regular basis, just because you want to be deliberately weird. :(

    Still, I enjoyed it the book. The main character, Hig, fancies himself a (failed) poet, and he contrasts well with his co-survival partner, a closed-off, paranoid gun-nut named Bangley. Bangley will grow on you, believe it or not, in sideways fashion. There is hope, love, and pain in this story, and it explores the question of whether living just to live is enough. I loved the dog in the story, and I'm not at all a dog person, so that tells you something. And Bangley's tirades about, "Christ, Hig, are we recreating out here?" are just conceptually funny. Worth trying-- give it at least the first couple of chapters.

    I read Chuck Palahniuk's Damned, and in addition to the gratuitious grossness and 'wackiness' there were a couple of distinct moments of, "I don't believe the character would do this." Ugh. The only other Palahniuk book I've read was Haunted, which I forced myself through and utterly hated. HATED. This one was less bad, though the open-ended "Yes, there's a sequel!" conclusion didn't help. Many who love Palahniuk really dislike these more recent books, so I should probably give one of the earlier ones a try before just swearing off of him. But again... ugh.

    Still trying to slog through American Gods (and still not thrilled). I just started The Boy Who Shoots Crows because the summary sounded good and our library's ebook service recommended it, but when adult main characters talk about their "mysterious attraction" to people they've just met, and "what is this feeeeeling," I begin to suspect a romance novel in disguise. I'll give it a few more chapters, but it's not looking good.

    Some political vids to share, because these satire skits on the situation in Iraq carry a lot of truth: The Daily Show: Middle Eastern Politics, A Love Story, and The Colbert Report: Battling ISIS Militants in Iraq (key snippet starts about 6:00 in, but the whole segment is good). Sorry about the leading ads in both, but the videos are worth it. The Daily Show one is pure humor, but the Colbert one is genius. I think ours is probably one of the few families that finds The Colbert Report consistently funnier than The Daily Show, which is probably large-scale sacrilege. Also? I miss John Oliver as guest-host (more sacrilege)!

    Summer plans? Besides those of you who are reading through SPN Big Bangs?

    The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors
    21 June 2014 @ 12:58 pm
    Title: Down Time
    Fandom: BBC Sherlock
    Author: HalfshellVenus
    Characters: John, Sherlock (Gen)
    Rating: G
    Summary: Never a dull moment…
    Author's Notes: For x_disturbed_x, who wanted John and Sherlock after a case.
    Also for writers_choice, this is "bad habits."


    John had only been asleep for about an hour when the explosion downstairs woke him.

    The threat of fire forced him to investigate. He found smoke, scorch marks, and a noticeably foul odour.

    "Really, Sherlock?" he said.

    "I am so utterly, frightfully bored," Sherlock said. "You can't imagine the strain."

    "We just finished off a case this afternoon!"

    "Ridiculous." Sherlock frowned. "That was ages ago, seems like. Dull, mind-rattling eons in the past."

    John eyed the spread of damage. "And so you're destroying the flat, are you?"

    "You'd do the same, don't pretend."

    "I," John said, "would find a far more sensible distraction. The cinema or theatre, or perhaps a good ramble."

    "Useless. I'm bored just thinking about it."

    "For God's sake, man, even a pint at the pub would've spared the sofa!" John paused for a moment. "Ah, that's it, isn't it? We usually go out afterward. I was so tired, I didn't think. Why didn't you mention it?"

    "Thought you'd gone off the idea."

    "No." John gathered up all the singed books and papers, and put them in the bathtub for safekeeping. "I suppose we could go now, if you're at all interested."

    "Absolutely." Sherlock donned his scarf and overcoat, arranging them in the usual stylish display. "You realise, you're paying," he said.

    "Yes, yes, you cheap bastard." John locked the door behind them.

    "But the sitting room repairs are coming out of your rent."

    ----- fin -----

    The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors
    18 June 2014 @ 11:21 pm
    We got back from Hawaii late on Sunday, and I've been unpacking and working on my Idol story since then. Idol is done, the unpacking is not... but it was a great vacation. This was our one 'big trip' before our daughter goes to college (because who knows what she'll be doing next summer), and I'm just glad we pulled it off. I think her brother enjoyed it more (all the snorkeling! The swimming and floating!), but she enjoyed the adventure moments. Much of the rest was either playing with her phone (ugh), or complaining about why we were going to the beach AGAIN. o_O

    I sprouted a minor rash as soon as we hit the Maui airport, but nothing much more developed after that. Usually my skin has had it after about 5 days, so this was an improvement. Lots of sunblock, no sunburns. I bought Dramamine for the snorkeling-boat trip, just in case, and then completely forgot to bring it in the car. That was slightly unfortunate. It isn't so much the motion, it's that slight rocking combined with the smell of the exhaust. Holy cow. As in, all is good unless I'm sitting near the engines, or until the boat stops for snorkelng and I pass through the lingering fumes. Not as bad as last time, where being IN the water made me sick.

    We spend the last day at the beautiful Kapalua Bay, which is pretty to look at and has good snorkeling (I am still a fan of Snorkel Bob's, both his print ads and his business practices, so we rent equipment for the week). We'd checked it out the day before, briefly, and our son whined that the half hour he had to explore couldn't POSSIBLY be worthwhile. He came out of the water having seeing two big tortoises and two babies, plus some new fish. So, you know–clearly a waste of time. ;)

    I'm reading some of the other Idol entries early, but I have a little free time, so guess what? Free drabbles to the first five requestors. Please name your fandom and prompt, and check my fic pages to see what I know and usually write. Not het, obviously, and generally slash for my OTPs. Lots of gen. You can also suggest something you know I've watched but never written, and I'll give it a try. Comment below!